At times, dealing with Cowden’s Syndrome takes all my energy that I have none left to worry about the 2 brain tumors I have. (Wait. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?)
But when Thursdays come around I take to The Twitter and do what I can to raise awareness for brain tumors, rare benign and malignant ones, too.
This past Thursday I tweeted:
And you know what? I am mad. Mad that I don’t have a good-paying job anymore. Mad that I don’t have the stamina I did before surgery. Mad that I don’t have the l life I once did. Mad that I don’t have a carefree attitude. Mad that I am struggling. Mad that I now have so much worry of the brain tumors growing or having cancer in my breasts or someplace else in my body. Mad. Just effing mad.
For these past (almost) 3 years, I have run on fear. Fear of brain tumor growth or cancer anywhere in my body. Fear of the unknown. Fear sucks. Fear is a nasty S.O.B. I get all that. And, what’s more, I get that as I’m writing this post: Garbage happens to EVERYONE. Anytime, anyplace, anywhere. It just so happened that mine was in the form of 2 brain surgeries a week apart and a diagnosis of 2 rare diseases called Cowden’s Syndrome and Lhermitte-duclos Disease that pretty much no one ever has heard of.
I get it.
But, I also get that for these past few days…I’m mad and it’s OK. I know how important it is to express my feelings and thoughts in a safe place (this blog). I no longer will ignore my feelings. I am mad about all this crap and I own it here.