A tiny bit of confusion

I am trying to understand the difference(s) between Cowden’s Syndrome and Lhermitte-Duclos disease and I have to admit it’s quite confusing.  At first I thought I could have one without having the other and now I am not too sure.  It appears that one of the several symptoms of CS is the brain tumor (LDD), also:  goiter and thyroid cancer which I already have covered.

I know that reading about this is good for me in that I need to know as much as I can but it makes my stomach hurt.  Where do I find the inner strength to be a powerful patient?!  I just do.  OK.  I cannot keep fluctuating like the waves of the sea.  I am strong and powerful and must fight with every fiber of my being.  I probably sound very weird going back and forth in my feelings and words, but yet if I don’t write them here where can I?  What kind of life do I have before me?  I will be 40 in a few months and I see all my friends with children and I feel sad for what appears that I won’t be able to have?  Then I look up to a picture of my nephews just now as I write that and remember how blessed I am to have them and remind myself that God knows what He’s doing He knows His job.  I am here to just do THE VERY BEST I CAN which includes keeping my head in the game.  No one ever said life isn’t without challenges and HERE IS MINE, just coming at 39 years old.

I must quit comparing myself to others around me.  I tell my Mom and my close friends that everyone has their own roads before them and who’s to say I’d even want to walk on their road?  This is mine and I can do this!  Possessing:

A rare hereditary condition characterized by multiple noncancerous nodules called hamartomas.  Sufferers also face an increased risk of particular cancers”

I used to always say:  It is what it is.  What I must remember is what I do now with it before me.  I can either get up and walk with Mom (like we did today) and I can write and then get ready for my day or I can do the opposite.  But that is not a choice for me.  I can continue and live my life and be positive and faithful and kind and loving and THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL.  But I do not want to be a sufferer.  The definition says sufferer and if I was suffering, which I guess I am to a point as I am processing and learning about all of this, but once I get the understanding of this and whether I have this syndrome (and the oncologist feels I do) – then I do not want to suffer!


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