Busy is good. Being positive is good. Seeing a counselor is good. Researching all I can about Cowden’s Syndrome is good. Walking is good. Staying in faith is good.
Good days will come. Bad days will come too. I have to get some routine back in my life and I think I am doing some parts of that. Or some normalcy, or some things that I did before I got sick. I walked a lot before the surgery. I read and I crocheted and stuff like that. I really enjoyed the counselor I met with today and I should have taken notes! 🙂 But, I need to build back the trust I had before July 18. I have all these thoughts in my head and they are so scattered, but as much as I want to write “well” – I just need to get them out of my head. Hence – writing here.
My anxiety is heightened, obviously, but I am stronger than it and I will not let it overpower me. So, as soon as this post is finished I am going to get away from the computer and no longer doing any more research tonight on Cowden’s and ECGC and PTEN and mTor inhibitors and things of that nature. Part of me thinks I get the connection between all of this but then part of me is still confused about it. If in fact the labs come back with confirmation that I have this syndrome – the broken gene means my body has problems suppressing tumors. Then mTor comes into play – but I haven’t yet figured out how exactly. And there is ECGC, curcumin, and reservatrol (sp?) that also come in that are positive things. So. Instead of staying online until 2 a.m. trying to find the answer RIGHT NOW of what I need to do RIGHT NOW to start taking a supplement or herb or pill or whatever RIGHT NOW (so that I can be healthy and healed and be OK!) I have to remember that these tumors didn’t develop over night and that doing the footwork is going to take time. This is OK.
Faith without works is dead and I am working on my faith and making it stronger – making that muscle stronger and I am also doing the works. researching and praying and pondering about these things I come across in my health journey and asking God if this is the right road for me so that I may have the most optimal health throughout the rest of my life.
And, it”s 9 p.m. which is my cut off time.