I saw the counselor today and I sure wish I was able to see her more often, but working it around my work schedule is hard. Today was hard because I am feeling guilty for feeling scared. I “was” rather. I was “should-ing” all over the place. I need to give myself more grace with all of this. I need help. I need more sleep. I need to exercise so that I can increase the serotonin or whatever ti’s called in my brain. But I’m scared to put more stuff “in” my brain. I’d rather keep to the natural stuff (turmeric, etc.) and not do the Lexapro stuff, but what’s going on now isn’t working.
It’s just an emotion.
I am scared. Scared of so much but I have to work on acceptance. This Cowden’s Syndrome isn’t going away and I have to learn to live my life WITH it. My fear is starting a pill is going to be a crutch that I will have to be on FOREVER and I don’t want that. Acceptance. Fear. Scared. Future. What will be of it? I just wanted to have the happy life, or what I thought that entailed. A husband and family. Is that too much to ask? Life isn’t without fear, of course. And life is about learning how to LIVE life – with what you are dealt. I am dealt this. Emotions come and go and I have to figure out how to manage mine and ideally I’d like to do that w/out meds. But I think it’s time to give in.