Last night

The kids had a sleepover last night.  It was a little slice of heaven, and I was thinking about it this morning.  9 months ago I couldn’t have imagined last night.  I had both boys on my bed and we were looking at the light up star stickers on my wall (the kind that glow when you turn off the bedroom light).  They gave me a hug (like a dogpile hug…I miss doing that.  We used to play “dogpile” in the living room before last summer…”) – and then they went to the living room to sleep in front of the fire place with all their blankets that my mom set up for them.

Blessings come in all shapes and sizes and in ways we’d never imagine.  While I’m struggling with anxiety about CSF leaking and exercising too much (overhead stuff near my head) I have to keep things in my perspective.  I don’t have any idea how to do that though!  I put on a good game sometimes.  And I’ll go a few days and feel like a normal person.  Then, something will happen and I’ll have a nagging headache that still won’t go away after Gatorade and Tylenol and I’m concerned that in the heavy workouts I’ve been doing at the gym (I work out so hard I have sweat in my ear!) that I’ve busted something in my head.

You don’t know!  No one knows!  No one knows what causes CSF leaks.  And if I G.oogle it what if I find something I don’t want to know?  I think Dr. K wasn’t straight with me because he said CSF can’t leak from your nose or eye but then I read in a support group on F.acebook that it can.  Dr. K won’t tell me what to look for with symptoms, he just asks me what my symptoms are.  DRIVES ME NUTS.  I love him…but he drives me crazy.  AND he’s not going to be my neurosurgeon anymore.  Which makes me very sad.

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