Food for thought

I’ve been meaning to write all week but I’ve been struggling.

OK.  So what do I do when I need support?  I need to write more often – so I can get it out of my head…

First – positive quote I wanted to write that I thought was meaningful here, “Life is a journey – and the end of one part is always the beginning of another.”

NICE.  Love that.

Second – last summer when I was recovering from the surgeries, Mom and I had agreed that I wouldn’t be looking online late at night for Cowden’s/PTEN stuff.  Well, evidently I need to add to the “DO NOT SEARCH IN THE EVENING LIST” prophylactic bilateral mastectomy (PBM)/breast reconstruction.  I found a website called “FORCE” – Facing our risk of cancer empowered.  And we all know that I need to be EMPOWERED fighting Cowden’s Syndrome and Lhermite-duclos disease.

And there’ s a wealth of information there.

I just shouldn’t be looking at it tonight.  Or any evening where I’m vulnerable to my anxiety being more exacerbated.  This is stuff I need to decide.  Expanders?  Implants?  Flap?  I don’t even know what that means.  AND, when am I going to do this?  Sooner rather than later because I can’t keep looking over my shoulder for the next 40 years.  But I don’t want to go through this entire additional life-changing experience alone.  I don’t want to put my mom through the recovery process again.  Not that my husband would like that…but I think I’d love more his support too.  But beggars can’t be choosers.  I need to continue to take this to Heavenly Father and find out when He needs me to have this done.  Mom thinks I need to focus more on the hysterectomy but the risk of breast cancer is so much higher (85%) compared to 20 something for uterine.

So it all comes down to math.


One thought on “Food for thought

  1. Ugh… I hear you. As a math teacher I went with the numbers, but what a huge, personal decision. I can only offer you support as you wrestle. Know that you are cared about!

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