I’ve been meaning to write all week but I’ve been struggling.
OK. So what do I do when I need support? I need to write more often – so I can get it out of my head…
First – positive quote I wanted to write that I thought was meaningful here, “Life is a journey – and the end of one part is always the beginning of another.”
NICE. Love that.
Second – last summer when I was recovering from the surgeries, Mom and I had agreed that I wouldn’t be looking online late at night for Cowden’s/PTEN stuff. Well, evidently I need to add to the “DO NOT SEARCH IN THE EVENING LIST” prophylactic bilateral mastectomy (PBM)/breast reconstruction. I found a website called “FORCE” – Facing our risk of cancer empowered. And we all know that I need to be EMPOWERED fighting Cowden’s Syndrome and Lhermite-duclos disease.
And there’ s a wealth of information there.
I just shouldn’t be looking at it tonight. Or any evening where I’m vulnerable to my anxiety being more exacerbated. This is stuff I need to decide. Expanders? Implants? Flap? I don’t even know what that means. AND, when am I going to do this? Sooner rather than later because I can’t keep looking over my shoulder for the next 40 years. But I don’t want to go through this entire additional life-changing experience alone. I don’t want to put my mom through the recovery process again. Not that my husband would like that…but I think I’d love more his support too. But beggars can’t be choosers. I need to continue to take this to Heavenly Father and find out when He needs me to have this done. Mom thinks I need to focus more on the hysterectomy but the risk of breast cancer is so much higher (85%) compared to 20 something for uterine.
So it all comes down to math.