The wonderful news (YAY!) is that the shingles is MUCH MUCH better…but I would have thought the acyclovir would have kicked out this other junk I’m battling. All I have done all weekend is sleeping and drinking my concoction of hot water, lemon juice, honey, and cayenne pepper. But I am out of lemon juice. Go figure. I get that things need to run their course sometimes. Rest. Water. Rest. And more water. Plus orange juice and sleep. All that stuff I am doing, plus some. I just wish this cold/flu would hurry up and leave. Because I have a job interview in a few days. Now, the old me would stress myself out to NO END about it. Worry that I’d make a bad impression and all that other stuff. But now? You don’t sweat the small stuff. (Granted, a job is NOT small stuff, of course. But making myself sickER over stress and stuff isn’t healthy. I KNOW THAT NOW.)
I’m frustrated still to have not heard back from Dr. GI’s office (I don’t know his name) about the NEXT appointment I must make before my colonoscopy. And we still don’t have our computers back. And the only Cowden’s related thing I have next on the agenda is “said” colonoscopy and an endoscopy, I think. (I’m NOT looking forward to that. But we have to check everywhere as much as possible to see if I have hamartomas in places they SHOULD NOT BE.)
Gosh, it’s so weird to read “morbidity” in reading about Cowden’s Syndrome. And yet here I am gaining weight and freaking out because I have been so sick and haven’t worked out in days. Granted, I wasn’t being mindful a few weeks/months ago about my food (yet I was working out very well and very hard) yet I ate GARBAGE. Now, my food is better and more under control and I’m not exercising (because I have this plague). Why can’t I get it that I MUST do both at the same time?
On a different note, I’m still pondering about the PBM and when I am going to do that. A few people have said, “Why would you do that when you have healthy breasts?” – but it’s MORE than that. It’s saving myself 40+ years of breast MRI’s. Those things are TOUGH. AND ROUGH. If you’ve ever had one, you know what I mean. If you haven’t, read up on it here. This is a pretty 1st grade definition of what happens. But having your dairy queens hang down an opening for 45-60 minutes while you are feet first into an opening is quite traumatic. Just believe me, it is. So, it’s something I need to do for my peace of mind. Really. But I don’t know when. I keep hearing in my mind a number, and I’m assuming it’s the time when I can go ahead (if I am in fact ready). But who knows where my life will be at that time. Or what I will be dealing with my head. I can only handle one MAJOR thing in my life. And my head takes precedence.
On a different, different note. I have made contact with a person whose mother is battling brain cancer. Will you please go to her blog and send her some love? Comment, say a prayer for her, her mother, and family, or anything that you are comfortable doing. I know it will mean so much. It’s odd when I tell people about my brain tumor. And they tell me, “At least yours is benign.” – and I struggle with that sometimes. Because mine isn’t eligible for radiation or chemo, and I think sometimes, “How would it be if it were? How would I be if it were? Would I be different? Would I feel different? Is Lhermitte-duclos disease (this gangliocytoma) an absolute death sentence like brain cancer?” – because if I could have chemo what if that could get rid of it? Things like that run in my mind all the time. I know those thoughts aren’t good or productive, but I have them. And that’s why I have this blog. To write about them and to get them out of my head lest I go a little batty from them. It is what it is. This is where I am. Chemo and radiation isn’t an option for me. And, yes I am very lucky it is a benign tumor.
So today and yesterday and this past weekend have included lots of sleeping and resting. Not big Cowden’s or LDD days, and I’m quite thankful for that.