More surgeries

I’ve thought alot.  I mean A LOT…about the hysterectomy and PBM.  And I go back and forth.  I mean, on the one hand…I am being watched so closely and being screened so carefully-that IF (I refuse to say WHEN) I get cancer – it will be caught early enough and then whatever needs to be done can be done. 

BUT.

What if?

I hate saying that or thinking that.  But really.  What if?  What if I wait too long?  That’s my fear.  I am being some what proactive now, because I’m in the gathering information stage.  When I found out about the brain tumors last summer, I was knocked onto my butt and had my world turned upside down.  I was in having my head cut open before I really knew or understood what was happening.  Now, I am talking to plastic surgeons.  I am going to a FORCE meeting.  I am connecting with incredible people who have done the surgery already and gotten rid of ANY CHANCE OF cancer.  In talking with Dr. F yesterday, she kind of gave me pause to think.  Now, I’m not on the bandwagon to going to the hospital to get signed up for more surgery.  NO FREAKING WAY.  But, my uterus (I haven’t called you yet LP…but feel free to chime in if you have any suggestions on names.  Or anyone for that matter.  🙂 seems to be stable this month but there’s no telling if she will flip out on me next month. 

What if I make a hasty decision?  I know my luck isn’t all that great, considering I have a rare disease that affects 1/250,000 freaking PEOPLE…but what if I jump the gun?  And then in talking with Dr. L a few days ago I found out that I would not be having breast MRI’s for the next 40 years, as I thought.  I am being monitored so thoroughly now while I’m young.  When I go through menopause then I won’t really “need” the MRI’s, I guess.  Then, I’ll just be screened like a “regular” woman.  HAH.  We all know that I’m NOT one…thanks for effing Cowden’s and LDD.

Dr. L said I’d just have mammograms.  But then is that enough? I don’t really think so.  Not yearly, obviously.  Not really.  So what else is there?  THAT thought scares me.  So, I can wade through these years while I am not in menopause yet…maybe.  Then…WHAT?

I’m not really good at making decisions.  So again.  EFF you Cowden’s.  I fear that if I wait too long…I won’t have a choice to make any decision.

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3 thoughts on “More surgeries

  1. And this is what we get to stay up nights thinking about. I don’t envy you the decisions, just don’t let the search for the right answer consume you. You have instincts. You have faith. It will come to you. One day at a time… This is all we can do!

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