Tonight’s very hard. I’m struggling. Can’t sleep. Fear. Pain in my heart. Emotional & physical pains. I want my life back. Cowden’s Syndrome is a “What If?” syndrome (I hate the word disease)…and the what iffing is killing me tonight. Actually the last few days. Some days I can hold it together quite well. Put on a happy face & actually mean it. Feel it and BELIEVE it. But then something falls apart…I wish I could put my finger on what that was. But who knows? A few nights ago it could be A. And next time it could be 34. Who freaking knows.
Interesting that I had THE best day with Nephew #2 today. My family is the best and I don’t know where I’d be without them. Them & my Faith.
But tonight. I’m petrified. I’m worried. About my body. My heart. My brain. My breasts. My colon. My uterus. My kidneys. All the things that Cowden’s says I might/will get cancer in.