Why are the nights so hard?

Tonight’s very hard. I’m struggling. Can’t sleep. Fear. Pain in my heart. Emotional & physical pains. I want my life back. Cowden’s Syndrome is a “What If?” syndrome (I hate the word disease)…and the what iffing is killing me tonight. Actually the last few days. Some days I can hold it together quite well. Put on a happy face & actually mean it. Feel it and BELIEVE it. But then something falls apart…I wish I could put my finger on what that was. But who knows? A few nights ago it could be A. And next time it could be 34. Who freaking knows.

Interesting that I had THE best day with Nephew #2 today. My family is the best and I don’t know where I’d be without them. Them & my Faith.

But tonight. I’m petrified. I’m worried. About my body. My heart. My brain. My breasts. My colon. My uterus. My kidneys. All the things that Cowden’s says I might/will get cancer in.


10 thoughts on “Why are the nights so hard?

    • Cowden’s Syndrome and Lhermitte-duclos disease CANNOT own me and will not own me. Dang if they don’t give me a run for my money tho. Thanks for the much needed reminder, as always.

  1. Sleep will help you feel better. I know you are grateful for every moment that you get to spend with your family and there will be many more of those times, and many more happy happy days to come. There will be hard days too, for sure. But many many happy happy days in your future. Your nephews will continue to grow and shower you with love along the way. You deserve the happiness too much to be stuck in the fear. I think it’s totally normal to feel scared, but you’ll conquer it. You’ll feel better in the AM ❤ Embrace the love and let it push out the fear!!

    Don't I sound like I know what I'm talking about?!!

  2. Sometimes you just have to take life one moment at a time and then you realize that 24 hrs have gone by…you are so inspiring…I’m so sorry for all that you’re enduring. I’m so inspired by your courage, your attitude and your ability to help yourself and others! I”m so glad I found your blog. Hugs to you.

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