A double order of panic with a side of awesomeness

EDIT:  Photo courtesy of:  photographybyjaana.com

I woke up today with tons of panic around me, more so than usual.  The realization that my money is running out is overwhelming me.  Dr. Mom is so wonderful and helps me as much as she can, but I have to come to realize…if I want to stay in subbing/education or do I look for something else?  Kind of sucks because I went to school to become a teacher and studied Special Education FOR HOW LONG…..?!  And I finally finish the coursework and AM THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS close to finding a job…and no one will hire me.  Nice.  Not nice.

I am looking into a work at home business which I’m really encouraged about and feel really good about.  But I know things won’t happen over night.  As my Visiting Teacher told me – how neat it would be if I could have a bunch of small things going on to keep me busy.  Subbing, (I’ve looked into becoming a Notary and still want to do that), the one home business or maybe 2?  Who knows.  But I hate panic.  I also told Dr. Mom yesterday that “they” should really take out the 2 words “What if?” from the English Language.  It would really help me out a LOT.

I didn’t get a sub job today but I had already committed to babysit for a family I know.  MJ and I watched Dora, played Ants in the Pants (Your Pants?), shared some toast, and all around had a great morning.  But here’s the “awesomeness” I want to mention.  And I need to remember that I’m quiet enough (which is odd because I woke up to panic) to notice this awesomeness.

During our game we started together, “1……2……..3!” as we were snapping the plastic ants into the blue trousers.  During our craziness, out of the blue she crawled over and hugged me.  (We were sitting cross-legged on the floor.  Which works well for a 3-year-old.  Not too well for a 40-year-old.  Just sayin.)  🙂

I’m thankful I was able to sit back and see the miracle in that.  The miracle that children are; the gift that the Lord gave me in that small hug from MJ to help ease my angst if even just for today.

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