Living in the present

I’m sure getting some poignant life lessons with this.

I just looked at my planner and realized that my 2nd breast MRI is 12/6.

Of course, that’s not tomorrow.

Or even Tuesday.

It’s in a week and a half.

I remember my first one like it was an hour ago.  The fear, the pain, the anxiety, the uncomfortableness, the what-if’s, the unknowns, all of that, and more.

Last year when I had the scan I didn’t take any Ativan, because basically I didn’t know what to expect.  I kind of thought (naïvely so) that it would be similar to my brain scan.

As I tweeted tonight, I don’t know which I prefer – getting my brain scanned or my Dairy Queens.

Actually, as I’m writing this, I really prefer the brain scan.

But you know?  IF (WHEN) I choose to have the prophylactic bilateral mastectomy, I won’t have to have biannual MRI’s of my Dairy Queens to check me since the rare disease Cowden’s Syndrome puts me at an 85% risk of breast cancer, thank you very much.

Is that odd that is exciting for me?  That the thought of surgery is encouraging for me because I won’t have to have these scans anymore?

So.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Do I try to live in tonight?  Or next week?  Which would be easier?

It’d be a HECK of a lot easier to be chained to my thoughts – and the fear and utter panic of having this scan.  My right Dairy Queen isn’t hurting like it had been these last few weeks, so that makes me a bit happier.  But I have a lot of life to be living.  I have a few jobs this week, I have my JR Watkins biz that I’m still working so hard to grow (I am in Independent Consultant – NOTE. I have to state that.  Contact me if you’d like to place an order and I’ll give you my ID #) 🙂 – I have most of my Christmas shopping done (YAY!) but I have volunteering to do and things like that.

So I don’t really have time to be chained to my thoughts of “What’s going to be read” in the breast MRI on the 6th.  I just don’t have the time to sit and wait and do nothing.  Right?

What do you do to help yourself focus on living in the present?

But I’m still scared.  I am still really, really scared.  I try to be brave, act normal, and live my life.  But I am scared.

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4 thoughts on “Living in the present

  1. Lol dairy queens! I needed a good laugh. I say live for today. Dance in the rain. Hey there is always room over on isle 12, you can join my pity party anytime. 🙂 we all have bumpy roads to travel. Preventive action is my nick name. I have your back girley girl. Hey brain scans are relaxing. Valume and headphones!

  2. Take the Ativan and practice going to your happy place. 🙂 It’s not the most comfortable test but I’m guessing far from the worse thing you’ve had to go through. Good luck!

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