I’m sure getting some poignant life lessons with this.
I just looked at my planner and realized that my 2nd breast MRI is 12/6.
Of course, that’s not tomorrow.
Or even Tuesday.
It’s in a week and a half.
I remember my first one like it was an hour ago. The fear, the pain, the anxiety, the uncomfortableness, the what-if’s, the unknowns, all of that, and more.
Last year when I had the scan I didn’t take any Ativan, because basically I didn’t know what to expect. I kind of thought (naïvely so) that it would be similar to my brain scan.
As I tweeted tonight, I don’t know which I prefer – getting my brain scanned or my Dairy Queens.
Actually, as I’m writing this, I really prefer the brain scan.
But you know? IF (WHEN) I choose to have the prophylactic bilateral mastectomy, I won’t have to have biannual MRI’s of my Dairy Queens to check me since the rare disease Cowden’s Syndrome puts me at an 85% risk of breast cancer, thank you very much.
Is that odd that is exciting for me? That the thought of surgery is encouraging for me because I won’t have to have these scans anymore?
Do I try to live in tonight? Or next week? Which would be easier?
It’d be a HECK of a lot easier to be chained to my thoughts – and the fear and utter panic of having this scan. My right Dairy Queen isn’t hurting like it had been these last few weeks, so that makes me a bit happier. But I have a lot of life to be living. I have a few jobs this week, I have my JR Watkins biz that I’m still working so hard to grow (I am in Independent Consultant – NOTE. I have to state that. Contact me if you’d like to place an order and I’ll give you my ID #) 🙂 – I have most of my Christmas shopping done (YAY!) but I have volunteering to do and things like that.
So I don’t really have time to be chained to my thoughts of “What’s going to be read” in the breast MRI on the 6th. I just don’t have the time to sit and wait and do nothing. Right?
What do you do to help yourself focus on living in the present?
But I’m still scared. I am still really, really scared. I try to be brave, act normal, and live my life. But I am scared.