Rational mind: “Heather – you haven’t heard from Dr. L’s office. If there were something wrong with your breast MRI you would have heard DAYS ago. Quit worrying. Quit crisis-managing.”
Irrational mind: “Heather – you are one of a zillion patients she sees. Your report got lost on her desk. It fell behind her trash can or it never even got sent over from the imaging center. You SHOULD be worrying.”
Imagine my conflict. It’s conflict I place upon myself, sure.
But it’s still there.
I see it. I feel it. I can taste it.
It takes all my strength to focus my thoughts on the Rational Mind thought. I’m trying.
This conflict, among many other things, is what I’m working on with the counselor. Making the choice to start counseling last Fall was such a good choice.
Just today she and I were talking about the breast MRI last Thursday and how my acute anxiety was for a lesser amount of time. I had the mental thought last week, as I only freaked out for just a bit, right before I stepped onto the machine.
Last year, I had no Ativan and didn’t know what to expect. It was just awful last year. Never ending procedure…..
This time…it was OK.
Can you stand it?! It was OK! In fact, I think I even fell asleep for a bit during it. 🙂
The Ativan really helped.
So. I’m progressing. It’s hard for me to say that, and I’m not really sure why. But I suppose I need to say it and really internalize it more.
That I’m somehow learning how to live my life with 2 rare diseases and the anxiety that comes with on frequent occasion.
Progress not perfection.