Dear Cowden’s Syndrome:

I’m really angry at you tonight.

Last year, thanks to you, I had to have my head cut open two times for the craniectomy.

I’ve had to be poked and prodded with instruments and put through machines that I don’t care to ever repeat.

I’ve had my Dairy Queens flattened and hung down while getting checked; I’ve had medical devices put inside me to scan my uterus; I’ve had kidney scans and a colonoscopy at just 40 years of age. What more do you ask of me?

Today – was the first endometrial biopsy.

This sucked.

Oh my freaking crap it sucked.

I thought it was going to be similar to a PAP smear – in at least leading up to it.

Boy, was I wrong.

Once the medical device was inside – there was a shot, then scraping. I’ll just call it what it was. And Dr. K said it’d feel like cramps. He was so very right on. Not cramps like, “Oh I’ll go to the beach with a light tampon in” cramps. Cramps as it, “Give me a Tylenol with codeine and a heating pad and wake me up in 2 days” kind of cramps.

Open bottles of Extra Strength Tylenol and Ext...

Dr. K told me before hand the “risks”…bleeding, infection, and something else I can’t recall.

After the procedure was over (THANK YOU ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY IN THE WORLD!) – I had to get my bearings for a moment while I was still laying down on the table. I told the doctor that I don’t really ever want to do another one of those procedures again. [He must have forgotten to tell me that there might be bleeding, or I might get my period, as NORMAL stuff from the procedure.]

So, I’m finally feeling better – getting dressed – and I’m not feeling right “down there”. I notice there’s blood.

I froze.

Thankfully the Medical Assistant knocked at the door and asked me, “Heather, are you OK?”

I told her, “I’m bleeding,” – and I could not move. All I was hearing in my head at that moment was what the doctor said about bleeding and complications. He had forgotten to tell me that some bleeding after the procedure was normal.

Cowden’s – tonight I’m pissed at you. I’m really pissed off at you. I have brain tumors, I am at a high risk for breast cancer (and a butt load of other cancers), have to see so many medical professionals to make sure I’m screened properly:

1). Neurosurgeon

2). Neurologist

3). Oncologist

3). Surgical Oncologist

4). OB-GYN

5). Dermatologist

6). Nurse Practitioner

And more will probably be added in the future.

I’m tired tonight Cowden’s. I’m so tired. You got me today and you won one. You knew I wanted to be a mother and have biological kids but you won that one too since you’re taking my uterus. You took the job I had last Spring, you took any sense of normalcy I had in my life. You took a lot from me…and I’m fighting as hard as I can to figure this out.

But tonight, I give in. You got me tonight Cowden’s.

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7 thoughts on “Dear Cowden’s Syndrome:

  1. I can’t imagine Heather. That is so hard. I totally get being angry, feeling like you lost so much of what you were destined for but know this, from your blog, your compassion and your support I know something for sure about you, Cowdens may have won this battle but you, my dear, will win the war. Take it easy and heal well.

  2. Pingback: Distraction « hopeforheather

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