So here’s the thing:
Until, or if, or when…whatever, I choose to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy, I am in a 6 month cycle. Between breast MRI‘s and mammograms. It just is. This is just my life now. No getting out of it, because face it, I can’t. I don’t want to (not have the tests). There’s no other option for me at this time. This is just what I have to do.
And tomorrow is my 3rd mammogram (I think). Isn’t it funny how I can’t remember things now so clearly? I’m pretty sure that it is.
2011: First mammo. Smooth sailing. This test was right after diagnosis so I didn’t have a clue about anything. I knew there was a breast cancer risk, but I had no idea how high.
2012: Meet the woman, she takes some pics of my Dairy Queens. I tell her I have Cowden’s Syndrome – NOT BREAST CANCER, because some Yahoo at the clinic wrote on my paperwork BREAST CANCER history. So said technician is freaking out trying to find my films, history, etc. I tell her…NONO. I have Cowden’s Syndrome. Her first reaction, “What’s that?” Then she said, “Oh. I think I know someone else who has that.”
I gave her my card with my blog (I think) but you know how that goes.
Then, there was something odd in my pics. Don’t leave the hospital. Someone is at lunch and they need more pics. We need to get a breast ultrasound today.
(Ugh, I’m remembering the fear behind all this and it’s flooding back as I’m writing.)
Blah, blah, blah, blah….ultrasound, go see your oncologist, etc.
“Dilated ducts”. Which I’m still not 100% clear what that means, but whatever. My doctors seemed to not be worried. Pssssssh.
2013: Tomorrow. I’ll be honest with you. I’m a tad nervous. Focusing on “living where my feet are” and NOT in tomorrow. But it’s hard, I won’t lie.