So, this dizziness thing is getting really old, yet I know I can’t hide from it and I’m a bit scared to accept that it’s happening more and more in different areas in my life. Funny, as soon as I typed, “Scared to accept” it hit me like a ton of bricks. All this boils down to is fighting the inevitable. I need to accept this, and I’ve known that for quite a while. I know I am scared, and I know I need to accept brain tumors and all they bring with them. I am scared of the unknown, and I am scared of what my life will look like in 2, 5, even 10 years from now. What type of life will I be able to lead with (chronic) dizzy and balance issues? Thanks for nothing Lhermitte-duclos disease. Eff you.
Anyway, what is triggering this post is on Sunday at church I noticed a new thing. I guess there is always going to be “a new thing” with 2 brain tumors, right? haha. When I closed my eyes to pray, lowered my head, everything began to spin. Ugh. I mean, really. Now, this? I am forced to accept that when I’m praying to my Higher Power I have to navigate things spinning? UGH UGH. I can’t even.
Yes, I know that others have it much worse than I do. I fully understand that. Yes, I know I have much to be thankful for. Yes, I know that I am able to still do so much, and I am doing all I can to focus on that: exercising, volunteering, working when I can, spending time with family, etc. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t get tired and overwhelmed. So, that’s why I am thankful I still have this blog when I can write and whine when I need to. Today I need to.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Probably more dizziness and vertigo. And, I sure wish it didn’t. I wish and wish and wish….blah blah blah. I guess I need to stop “wishing” for so much and work more on the “accepting” of what is.
But, I have to own my truth that I am just a bit sad today.