Just got home from my appointment. Unfortch the P.T. and I seemed a bit out of sync today, and I’m not too sure why. It has been several weeks since I’ve seen him, which maybe could have caused it. Or, maybe it was because I’m constantly thinking of my esophagus and what’s going on there (I was up all night with severe acid reflux pain so I’m not sleeping now). Or, that I got 2 vaccine shots this morning and have felt a bit wonky. Maybe I was too sensitive to things, but the bottom line is that I didn’t mean to be. During one of the exercises the P.T. asked me if I was “faking” my wobbliness. (Quotes added by me because I don’t remember 100% how he said it.) You know, I was crushed when he said that. I tried to keep it together but all it did was bring up every ounce of fear and self-consciousness deep within me. I can’t explain much of anything. Why I’m very wobbly at some times when I’m walking and then other times I seem to walk “fine”. I think my reaction to him was enough to let him know how much his comment hurt me, and then we were just off for the rest of the session. Part of me wonders if he really does think I’m faking?
Here are some of the things we worked on today (in no particular order):
- Monster walks
- Squats on upside down Bosu ball
- While standing on one foot throwing a ball into a net thingy (I don’t know the technical words for it…) I noticed here, as usual, my left side is much weaker than my right side. I could barely do this exercise properly on my left side (kept wrapping my right foot around my leg, and kept dropping my right foot)
- Walked down the hall while turning my head left to right. Ugh. This one sucked, too. Tons of dizziness and it made me sick to my stomach. But, you gotta do what you gotta do. And, I’m there to work! Then, walked back down the hall with these magnifying eye glasses on. More dizziness. More walking heel to toe…during this time I noticed my wobbliness came and went. And, here is when P.T. asked me if I was faking. I’ll let it go, tomorrow will be better. I’m just wondering where the comment came from, you know?
- Step-ups on the Bosu ball alternating each leg
Hopefully, the next appointment will be better between the P.T. and I. It’s funny because I really like him a lot and he pushes me in such a way that makes me want to do more and do better. I hope to be able to continue this. The first question he asked me was how I was doing…and I get tired of answering that sometimes. Mostly, because I don’t want him to think of me as a complainer. And, I told him that. Then when he asked if I was feeling worse, the same, or better I really had to think about that one. I fully get why he asked that, but I really had to stop and think. Really think. And, I don’t know how to answer that truthfully. Am I just being on my own worst critic when it comes to my balance and gait?