You know, it really has. My confidence in who I am, what I once was capable of doing, what I am capable of doing today. Especially along the lines of employment. I have experience working as a substitute teacher, which is a good thing that I can fall back on, and I can kind of “fake it till I make it” there. But I don’t feel like a good employee anymore, if that makes sense. I’m no longer an employee who can give 110% every day because I never know what each day will bring, and I especially don’t know what these brain tumors have in store for my future. I never thought so much about my future until these bloody brain tumors.
This morning during my therapy session I spoke a lot about this. My abilities as an employee, needing accommodations, my memory deficits, etc. This afternoon at my physical therapy appointment, I asked the PT about my progress because I have been quite worried that I haven’t made any progress during these previous appointments. (The PT talks a lot about this, and while I don’t quite fully understand it, when he explains things to me it’s a little less muddy) – and he works me hard. Really hard. My brain is mush by the time the hour is up! But the glory goes to this PT, really. He makes me want to do better; to work harder; to get stronger. THAT is the sign of an amazing Physical Therapist and I am really glad I got assigned to him.
But then this happened: I have made some small progress (that can be documented)! When I did one of the timed sets of exercises today I have progressed from 0 seconds to 7 seconds! Can you believe that?! Now, this may not bode well for Social Security Disability, but I’m not thinking about that today. I am thinking about how far I have come in physical therapy and how thankful I am! I got a bit teary eyed, too. I was so scared that I was not going to make any progress at all.
I haven’t cried brain surgery tears in quite a while. I don’t know what the PT thought of me crying over 7 seconds, but it was such a big, freaking deal to me! I felt a little bit of my confidence come back today.
It was cool. 🙂