I wrote a post a while back about Lhermitte-duclos Disease robbing me of my confidence. Confidence in work, life, etc. But, thanks to Physical Therapy and to the P.T. (who is really awesome, BTW), I’m seeing continued progress and dare I say I’m gaining some confidence? Progress is scary for me though! I don’t know how to embrace this, if that makes sense.
Being around the P.T. raises my confidence, because he’s very adept in his people skills. 🙂 He says the right things to make me want to try my very hardest. That’s the sign of a great medical professional, don’t you know. At today’s appointment, he and I saw so much more progress in my balance. He said something to me like, “Did you take a shot of awesome sauce before you came?” or something funny like that. LOL. It was really neat because I think he and I both could see the changes in me. The balance exercises are getting a “tad” easier…I wonder if that means P.T. will have to start making them harder? 🙂 I almost started to cry again at the appointment today. When I think about where I was 4 years ago, and where I am now, I get overwhelmed.
Here is the kicker though: Why is it with change comes fear? Why can’t I embrace change with all the faith in the world? Why can’t I be joyous and free instead of feeling dread waiting for the other shoe to drop? This is GOOD change, for Pete’s sake. Is it because I’ll never be out of the woods with these Rare Diseases? I’ll never be able to breathe a sigh of relief? I just have to take my small victories as they come, I’m sure. And, this progress with my balance is FOR SURE a huge victory, not even a small one. I always leave the office sweaty, wanting to do more, and yet sad it’s almost over. Is that weird?