Sickness, be gone

I want to write something funny and witty.

I want to write about how good I feel; how positive I am; how much I have thrived lately; all in all having a grand time with life.

But, it’s not happening.

I am so sick.

Going on 4 weeks of coughing my brains out.  Up every night at 2 AM and it does. not. stop.  My ribs hurt.  My body hurts.  My back aches.

The inhaler and the mondo cough syrup doesn’t touch it.

I could muster everything else but for this cough.

It’s breaking me down.

You know, how when you feel crappy and your immune system is taking a beating part of you just wants to lay in bed all day and watch your stories?  I have done a bit of that.  Trying to rest and recover.  Waiting and praying for the recover part to eventually kick in.

But, I’m being brutally honest here:  I haven’t forgotten that I have a hereditary cancer syndrome.  It’s taking every ounce of strength I have to NOT look online for, “What are the symptoms of lung cancer”.  Call me crazy?  Sure.  Call me a worrier?  Yes, I’ll admit that to a point.  Look at my history and you’ll see why.  But, I am writing to hold myself accountable that I AM NOT GOING TO LOOK ONLINE FOR THOSE websites.  I have not.  I will not.  It doesn’t matter that “that type of cancer isn’t on the books” (like not needing an EGD before, but I digress), I’m a human being with feelings and fears.  My body has let me down in the past and I struggle to keep it healthy presently.

There is no evidence supporting I have lung cancer, and I don’t even know if it starts with a cough.  There is evidence supporting tons of other things, but not that.  I’m writing all this mumbo jumbo to try and stay calm and focused on healing.  Period.

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9 thoughts on “Sickness, be gone

    • I don’t think so. As this started as typical flu with aches and pains, sore throat. Then moved deep into my lungs. Waiting for call back from doc. Thank you 🙏🏻💜

  1. Your concerns are very understandable. Are you able to get checked out by a Doctor? If anything, it will put your mind at ease

    • My doctor called in a few prescriptions for me – and if I’m not better by mid week, I need to call for an appointment. I know this is just the most evil virus on the planet; at least I pray that’s it. Thank you. 🙂

    • This quote I found yesterday I love and maybe it is appropriate for you too ❤️❤️ ‘Whenever someone sorrows, I do not say, “forget it,” or “it will pass,” or “it could be worse” — all of which deny the integrity of the painful experience. But I say, to the contrary, “It is worse than you may allow yourself to think. Delve into the depth. Stay with the feeling. Think of it as a precious source of knowledge and guidance. Then and only then will you be ready to face it and be transformed in the process.’
      –Peter Koestenbaum

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