And I have such mixed emotions about it! Part of me is really happy but another part of me is sad; I know I’m crazy. Things move so fast at each appointment, and I try so hard to follow (read: understand and process the information) that the P.T. tells me, but I guess the bottom line is that I exceeded my goals! The way my brain works now (LOL) is that I want to know everything: how much/when/where, etc. and unfortunately I didn’t get all that yesterday. But, that’s OK. I need to be OK with that and LET. IT. GO.
What matters is that there is progress on my balance I have created new neuropathways (?). I hope that’s right! I think part of what is causing my mixed emotions is that I will miss this P.T. (I’m not a creeper, I swear) and you know what else I realized? With every medical professional on my team, it’s rare they “leave” me…meaning, I don’t continue to work with them. My neurosurgeon, endocrinologist, etc. are working with me on a life-long basis. If I move, I will just have to find new ones. With P.T. our working relationship is either finished yesterday, or we have a few more visits (he is going to try to get them approved). That’s a really odd thing for me to comes to terms with, the end of relationships on this medical experience (I hate calling it a journey). He is one of my favorite doctors (I’ll call him that) and as I have said before, he just motivates me to do better. We click. We work well together (at least he makes me think we do. Maybe he’s just THAT good at his job, LOL). And, I just plain ole’ want my balance and gait to be perfect, you know. If I had my way, I would get rid of my oncologists and replace them with him instead. Now, I have to wait about 2 weeks to see what the insurance says. Then, we go from there.
In the mean time, I am still thinking of my esophagus. Wondering if I am growing more polyps, and wondering what will happen at the consultation at the BIG HOSPITAL in a few weeks. My concern is that this new doctor will say, “Oops. Sorry. Nothing we can do for you. Go away.” and the trip 2 hours there and back will be for naught. But, I will really have to fight to keep my energy and thoughts positive. There is a reason my current oncologist referred me out. There’s a reason I am a “rare” patient. There is a reason to all of this. I may never know that reason, but I have to trust the process.
Why is that so much easier said than done?!