I cried today

And sometimes, it just happens.  I don’t know why I was especially weepy today.  I am trying to just embrace and accept my emotions as they come.  I imagine tomorrow will be better.  It has to be.

Since last Friday, I have had appointments with the Neurosurgeon (no significant growth on either brain tumor!), Oncologist, Endocrinologist, Physical Therapist (thankfully the insurance approved a few more visits!) and Therapist.  Plus I have a temporary substitute job.  I think I just hit the wall today.

I cried at therapy.  A lot.  All this stuff came up about the brain tumors, not being able to do what I once could, feeling so overwhelmed with what is. I understand the importance of constant doctor appointments; to catch “in time” anything potentially life-threatening.  I just don’t seem to have accepted this life yet.  I don’t know.  I guess I still feel different from everyone.  Like the brain tumors and rare disease have put a target on my back.  It may not make sense to you, but it’s how I am feeling tonight.

Tomorrow has to be better.

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25 thoughts on “I cried today

  1. We all have a day when we feel weepy, It’s OK. When we hear that we have something life threatening going on in our body, it is difficult to get used to the “new normal.” However, please don’t waste time worrying about what you can’t control. Focus on what you can control…eat right, get the sleep you need, and keep up with your medical appointments. Try to picture yourself well, and have a fighter’s attitude that you are going to beat this. Your positive brain will help you feel better. Lastly, do something fun. You deserve it. Like take a cooking class or yoga class or something that you would like to try. I listen to books-on-tape when I drive so I don’t think negative thoughts when my mind my otherwise wander to the negative. I feel your pain, and I hope that better days are ahead.

    • Keeping up with the medical appointments is the most trying/difficult thing of Cowden Syndrome and Lhermitte-duclos Disease. But I have no choice in the matter and must power through. I agree with you…I need something fun in my life!

  2. I’m so sorry you have to go through all this. I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through. Hugs!

  3. Remember that you will always be awesome. Also, Elder Bednar’s quote from Elder Nelson – not being able to do everything you used to do helps you focus on what matters most.

  4. The recent issue of LIVE WELL, Smarter Healthcare for Southern California, UC Irvine Health, Fall 2015, has a good article called “A Barrage Against Brain Tumors,” about leading-edge surgery and innovative vaccines which offer more health than ever. It is written by Victoria Clayton. The front of the magazine says if you have questions or comments, please contact:
    UC Irvine Health Marketing & Communications Department, 333 City Blvd. West, Suite 1250, Orange, CA 92868. I hope that this might help you in some way.
    Thinking of you with hope in my heart.

  5. Will be praying for you Heather, I have days where I just want to cry, and I do, then I pick myself back up again. Take a day at a time xx

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