Roadblock

Gosh, I have had such writer’s block these last few weeks.  I have so much on my mind, including a lot of anxiety about my brain.  I am noticing some more changes with my gait, memory, and processing.  But I have sat down at this computer many times and just cannot formulate anything.  I am so worried about being strong, being positive, but what’s odd is usually I don’t worry about that here.  I use this blog as a place to vent about everything that is on my shoulders.  But, for some reason it’s not flowing.  Why is that?  I know that if I don’t get these worries out, they will continue to eat me up inside.  If I could, I would ignore all these feelings away.  But, it doesn’t work that way.  Life with two brain tumors and a rare cancer syndrome takes a lot out of me.

Some days, I feel like a phony.  That if people knew the real me – all of my worries, doubts, fears, anxieties, limitations, they would laugh me out of the building.  I think I put on a good front most days.  But, I fear the day when the wall comes down and people see the real me – when someone sees that I cannot do what I once did.  I don’t want anyone to think less of me.

Reality bites.

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3 thoughts on “Roadblock

  1. I enjoy reading your blog. I am sorry about your health problems. I sustained a serious TBI 2/19/14 and while I’m doing much better, I am fatigued all the time. Check my blog out and provide any feedback if you can! Thanks,
    Dawn

  2. Hi Heather, I know you will get all right. don’t worry at all. Felt like writing this for you, hence wrote. You are strong, and have a very good heart, you will get well soon. Best, Ram

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