Gosh, I have had such writer’s block these last few weeks. I have so much on my mind, including a lot of anxiety about my brain. I am noticing some more changes with my gait, memory, and processing. But I have sat down at this computer many times and just cannot formulate anything. I am so worried about being strong, being positive, but what’s odd is usually I don’t worry about that here. I use this blog as a place to vent about everything that is on my shoulders. But, for some reason it’s not flowing. Why is that? I know that if I don’t get these worries out, they will continue to eat me up inside. If I could, I would ignore all these feelings away. But, it doesn’t work that way. Life with two brain tumors and a rare cancer syndrome takes a lot out of me.
Some days, I feel like a phony. That if people knew the real me – all of my worries, doubts, fears, anxieties, limitations, they would laugh me out of the building. I think I put on a good front most days. But, I fear the day when the wall comes down and people see the real me – when someone sees that I cannot do what I once did. I don’t want anyone to think less of me.