A bit more P.T.

Just came home from another P.T. visit. I am really lucky I got a few more visits approved.  This Therapist is outstanding, and I know I have mentioned that in earlier posts.  He is incredible at his job, and knows how to challenge my limits and get me right on the verge of tears.  Good tears, I guess, but I wonder is there really such a thing?  🙂

I have mentioned this before also, these brain tumors have robbed me of my confidence.  Confidence in my abilities to do what I once did.  Walking, especially, because of the damage to my cerebellum.  So, P.T. knows to go right to the heart of the matter and PUSH. ME.  I mentioned this morning that one of my concerns, fears, problems, complaints now with my balance is that I don’t feel sure-footed when I walk.  I feel like I am going to fall, especially when I am carrying something, or when I cannot see my feet.  It’s just reality now.  I cope, sure.  And, there is a lot of adapting.  But, I am in physical therapy to get stronger and learn some other skills, right?  So, guess what he made me do?

pic_PT

He put these foam rubber things in a straight line, gave me a box to carry, and had me walk across it.  Without looking down to see where my feet were.  I swear, folks.  It was one of the hardest things I have done in a long, long, time.  It sounds cheesy, sure.  But, try to imagine it.  I choked back quite a few tears.  I cannot put into words how difficult it was to walk across that, or how it made me feel when it was over.  Almost every single fear I have he magnified in this exercise, but for a greater purpose and I get that.  I get that it was pushing me through the fear.  Lots of fear.  I know I wasn’t 10 feet off the ground (and that I was always safe), but the fear of falling was still great.  I walked back and forth a few times, then thankfully we moved onto another exercise.  My mind was mush after that!  Couldn’t I have just done some sudoku instead?  LOL

When I got to the treadmill, he had another tricky thing in store for me!  I walked a mile on the treadmill, without holding onto the sides (so effing hard!) and he placed a sheet over the top of the machine so I couldn’t see my feet.  It almost made me sick to my stomach that I couldn’t see my feet.  I never realized how much I need to see my feet to get my bearingsWhen he took that visual cue away, it was painful.  I was literally sweating everywhere.  Kind of gross, actually.  I am mentally exhausted and I want to take a nap.  I probably need to push through this but I think I am going to listen to my body this time.  Sleep, I am coming for you in a bit!

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