Just call me Debbie Downer

I haven’t written in a while, because I just don’t know what to say.  I try to be positive most days.  I try to keep a smile on my face and take one day at a time, because let’s face it, that’s all any of us have anyway, right?  But, I have been quiet lately because I don’t want you to think I am a complainer.  Surprisingly (to me), I have held back.  Usually, this blog is my safe place to let it all out.  To scream if I need to, to cry as well.  Suffice to say, there has been a lot of screaming and crying lately.  Things are getting much worse financially for me and I don’t see an end in sight.  I’m not trying to sound dramatic I am just being real.  I am not able to maintain full-time employment (for many reasons), I don’t have enough income coming in to cover my basic necessities, let alone a new pair of pants and/or shoes that I desperately need.  (Last week I broke a tooth and found out I need an extraction and implant.  It will cost $3,000 to fix.)

A few months ago I qualified for state help, but made “too much” last month (I am thankful that I am able to sub some days!) and now I qualify for $17/month in assistance.  I never realized how money is connected to everything and if you don’t have enough of it it can ruin your life.  My mental state of mind has never been more fragile than it is now.  I have eaten terribly lately because of the stress of not having enough money for my living expenses.  Getting diagnosed with Cowden Syndrome and Lhermitte-duclos Disease has ruined my life.  Plain and simple.  I don’t see how my future will ever be any different from what it is today.

 

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3 thoughts on “Just call me Debbie Downer

  1. Not really any good words. Just don’t stop writing. I find the outlet is just necessary, no matter how raw it gets. Will continue to pray some things turn around for you.

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