Nervous Nelly

I know no one likes a Nervous Nelly.  But, I can’t help it!  I am so overcome with terror about my financial situation that it pulls me deeper and deeper into my depression.  What do I do?  Where can I get money?  Where can I find a place where I can one day be financially independent?  Or, at least not FULLY 100% dependent on my mother?  It’s so unfair to her.  I am continually wracked with guilt for all the pain and frustration I cause her.  I can’t get my SH*T together.  Will I ever be able to get it together?

I found out today my disability hearing is November 30.  This is a great thing; however, it adds so much more anxiety onto my shoulders.  Why is it so difficult to expect good things for me?  Why wouldn’t the judge approve my disability based on my medical records and reports from my doctors? Right?

Yet who knows what the outcome will be?  And, how do I hang on until then?  I have about $200 in my checking account and 3 credit card bills due within the first 2 weeks of September.  I am pathetic and a waste of space that I cannot take care of my life!  And, I get so jealous when I come across these GoFundMe pages and people have raised 10s of thousands of dollars!  I know I shouldn’t be jealous. I should be happy those people have been blessed. But, when will that type of good stuff happen for me?  I don’t know how I will pay those bills next week.  I DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY.  My mom is tapped out.  She’s supporting many other people, too.  She can’t help me any longer. Is there some secret place or website where people can support someone like me?  Or did those people just have good, supportive friends who helped them out?

I’m nervous.  I’m hopeless.  I don’t know what else to do.  I  have contacted my church.  I have online sites to ask for financial support, which makes me feel even more worthless than I already do.

What do I do?  Please pray for me.

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3 thoughts on “Nervous Nelly

  1. Prayers are being sent your way. I am sorry you are feeling the way that you are however I can totally relate to it. You are not alone in feeling like this. I am following your blog so I can continue to follow your journey. Good luck!

  2. I am so sorry you are going through this! Money is always a stressor, especially for those of us who are sick! You are NOT pathetic!! You certainly cannot help that you are unable to work! I think asking your church is a good start, and don’t give up on the online sites. Maybe you can post them here so we can all repost on our social media sites!

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