Guilt sux

I hate guilt.  It consumes me and eats me up inside.

I have so much guilt about burdening my mom; her being forced to pay for my daily living expenses that I cannot take care of.  (In addition to gas, car insurance, etc.)

Accepting my feelings of guilt, or rationalizing coping with them, or whatever is one of my biggest crosses to date.

But at therapy yesterday Dr. C gave me some perspective I haven’t reached on my own:

She said that guilt results from when you do something wrong.

I didn’t do anything wrong to be diagnosed with 2 brain tumors and a hereditary cancer syndrome.  I didn’t cause that.  I didn’t make a less-than-desirable choice and am now forced to live with the consequences.  I just have a “shitty” brain (her words).  And she asked me, “Would you rather have a shitty mom and a good brain?”

No.  No way no how no no no. No no no nope no.

I will take all the crappy things in the world because I have the best mom ever.

I got the better end of the deal then. ❤

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