Hopeless; yet #MentalHealthMatters, yes? So mine should matter just as much as the next person.

I don’t want to get the needle.  It’s not for me.  I have prayed and researched and studied and it’s not for me.  I don’t feel peace when I think about having that injected into my body.  I should feel peace.  I should have the right to decide for me.  If you are going to reply with “but the needle will eradicate C19” please stop.  People who got the needle are still getting C19.  They are still getting sick.  They are still getting hospitalized. They are still dying. The needle has not, and will not stop it.  Save your breath. 

However, if you choose to get the needle – then I APPLAUD you.  If you made the choice on your own, or with your family/Higher Power/anyone else you choose to discuss your personal medical history with – I APPLAUD you.  I support you in making your own choice for your body.  WHY AM I NOT AFFORDED THAT SAME RESPECT?  Please.  For the love.  I beg you.  Why am I not afforded that same human decency? You know, I am reading everywhere that #MentalHealthMatters.  Doesn’t my mental health matter too? Or just yours?  How is that OK?  How is that normal? I am terrified that the needle will trigger my brain tumors to grow.  Period.  End of sentence.  The needle isn’t for me.  I am in the process of asking my doctors to write me a letter of medical exemption if I need one for my employer.  My first doctor refused today.  My NEUROSURGEON. If I cannot find one doctor on my team how can the medical industry fail me like this? I am trying to have faith.  To be positive.  To live in hope and faith.  But, I feel hopeless. And I am terrified. I am scared. I feel like I am sinking back to the very dark place I was in last month, and that scares me too. I am afraid as my thoughts aren’t good.

9 thoughts on “Hopeless; yet #MentalHealthMatters, yes? So mine should matter just as much as the next person.

  1. I support you in this Heather. Our health both mental and physical is important. This President is trying to ruin us. Don’t let him win! You get tough! And don’t stop fighting this! There has to be a group that is supporting people like you somewhere. Let’s find them and get help.

  2. Heather unfortunately fear is not enough to drive policy or decisions. Where does your fear that tumors will grow from a vaccine come from? You know me. I love you to death but why isn’t your neurosurgeon sharing this fear? If I went in having been sexually active and asked a doctor to put me on AIDS drugs because it is my fear that my ex girlfriend is a tramp and gave me AIDS they would ask why. They would ask why I fear this. They would test me. They would only provide medical support once they had a medical basis for the decision. Remember that history is full of decisions made from fear alone and most of them are bad decisions. Your mental health matter. In one sentence you talk about getting sick and dying and that people still are. However no one has ever said that people with the flu vaccine don’t die from the flu or even reactions to the vaccine itself. No One has said these things about Covid either. Fact is that the vaccine has nearly erraticated the virus it was designed for. Most new cases are delta and it is only so far proven to soften the symptoms for the most part but like any medicine it doesn’t work on everyone the same way. There are still outlier cases. People are still dying. Conspiracy abounds. However, one thing I have not heard even the fake news being up is that the virus or the vaccine are causing excised tumors to regrow. This is your fear. First ask yourself if it is rational (backed by facts) or irrational (a fear that you made yourself and can’t feel comfortable about). If it is irrational then treating yourself for that fear or even facing that fear may be an incredible comfort to you. Again, you do you. I love you the same either way but I want to see you in comfort. That is my primary goal always.

    • So many points I wish to respond to:
      1. Where does my fear come from? I believe the Spirit is confirming to me that the vaccine is not for me given my medical status. I do not feel peace when I ask Him if I should get the needle. Cowden Syndrome and Lhermitte-duclos Disease are Rare Diseases. No one has studied the effects of my genetic condition and the vaccine. I believe the Spirit would testify to me if this was right for me. It hasn’t happened yet. So, here I am.

      2. Being run on fear is bad. I fully agree. But being bullied to do something against my will and better judgement is wrong every day of the week.

      3. Absolutely people have died from the flu vaccine. Are you saying the vaccine has almost eradicated C19? Or the flu?

      4. Irrational fears aren’t right or wrong, to me. They just are. My grave concerns about MY BODY and this vaccine are mine. And I should be respected for my choice. Just as I respect yours and others. However, if the vaccine works, but those vaccinated can still spread and carry, why are those people obsessed with those of us who aren’t?

      Your umbrella isn’t going to keep my “safe”. How is it that ME being vaccinated is going to keep “you” safe? That logic is lost on me.

      5. I will feel comforted once a doctor advocates for me. My choice. My decision. My body. Until then, my life is in shambles.


    • Also, FWIW, I have 2 brain tumors. 1 is 2 cm. encapsulated in the middle of my cerebellum. The 2nd was 5 cm. and only a very small portion of it was de-bulked in 2011. 🤷‍♀️🥴😝😀

  3. Returning to the first comment by anna, is there a group that have similar experiences? We may be thousands of miles apart, but I fully understand why this means so much to you.
    Take care

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