Hey friends: I am still here! It’s been a while, and thought I’d catch up quickly this evening.
- I had “surgery” on my thumb this week. 5 stitches for my trigger finger. Blergh. Not fun in the least little bit.
- I had my mammo last week, because you know, Cowden Syndrome and high-risk breast cancer risk. It was “normal”! #winning
- Since I just got my mammo I can now try to sort out my screening timeline again since Corona jacked *everything up. Basically, someone is getting to second base with me every 3 months.
- What are you watching lately? I am a relatively new fan of BB (Go Ian!) and have been watching since #BB16. Still into every single version of #90DayFiance, and just finished another Joe Exotic thing. I liked this one the most as it followed up on some of the Big Cats Joe abused. I am now a follower and newest sponsor of one of their residents. Check out the sanctuary here!
- Trying my hardest to keep my hope and head above water. How are you doing in the time of Corona?
I created this blog 9 years ago to document my life living with 2 brain tumors. Yet, as I sit here this evening I cannot bring myself to write about anything. I’ve never had a filter here, and I am not purposely holding anything back. It’s just that I cannot connect anything in my brain to share. Sadly, things are very active with my Cowden Syndrome and Lhermitte-duclos Disease. I had a visit with the ENT last week to talk about my tinnitus. I could write about that at some point, I suppose.
So, what should I do? Retire the blog? Move entirely to Twitter since short blog posts are more my style (at least I prefer to read short blog posts). Is anyone still here? Would love to hear if anyone’s still here with me. This whole “Content Creator” trend definitely isn’t how this blog began. Unsure if I can make the transition.
I spoke with my therapist this morning. Why is it so much easier to talking to her? When she explains things, or responds back to something I said, in my mind I’m saying to myself, “Yep. Yep. Yep and yep.” I wish I could just keep her in my back pocket sometimes and pull her out in emergency. 🙂
I have been making an effort to attend more Al-Anon meetings as of late, too. I was struck by something my sponsor’s friend shared: “Give time time.”
Oh, so much to unpack here, but I don’t want to set myself up for another sobbing fest. I will continue to ponder that phrase and try to apply it. Every moment of every day. I have been grieving so very hard my co-worker and and feel guilty about my “lack of” grief for my sponsor.
I haven’t cried for the last 3 days. Just for today.
I am still trying to navigate this grief. Not doing super well, tbh.
Reading sometimes help to distract myself.
Taking and editing photos sometimes helps as well. Visit me at @ZHeatherChamp to see!
Cowden Syndrome doesn’t stop for anything; and I continue to schedule and manage medical appointments in the midst of 2020. 🙂 Thank goodness for planners!
Please tell me how you are doing?
In the past 10 days, I have lost 2 friends suddenly to heart attacks. One passed away this past Sunday, and the other one died the Sunday before that.
I am always honest on my blog. This is the only safe place for me where I can be fully open and vulnerable, no judgement from anyone or anywhere because this small blog space is mine and mine only.
I am not doing well with these 2 losses.
Maybe I will write more about these painful and sudden losses of life. These were 2 pretty important people in my life and I cannot see forward.
EDIT: So, I cannot do simple math. Last Thursday I found out a very good friend passed away suddenly. And a few hours ago I found out a former colleague died. That is a major blow to anyone, let alone 2 deaths in 6 days.