Wordless Wednesday 4/25/18

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Daily Prompt [Vague]

I have a vague recollection of wanting to write something brain tumor-ish these last few days.  Of how I feel so silly most of the time because I nod along with people as if I have a clue what they are talking about.  When in reality, I have no idea.  When will I be found out? When will others know I am full of crap? When I get clarity on a situation when I had no idea I didn’t understand it from the startFRUSTRATION times infinity.

Sometimes, I feel like Joey in that Friends episode with the encyclopedias.

 

Daily Prompt [Song]

At some point in my life I believe I carried a song in my heart.

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It’s not there anymore. 😦

 

Daily Prompt [Disrupt]

My diagnosis of Lhermitte-duclos Disease and then Cowden Syndrome disrupted my life so completely that even 7 years later I am still reeling.  Trying to find my balance and inner strength.

I am so very thankful to have gotten through these last few months relatively unscathed.  🙂  The EGD and colonoscopy was rough, but completed.  And then breast MRI was “easier” than I remembered!  The only negative thing I immediately noticed is my shoulders were very sore (you lay on your stomach with your arms stretched overhead). Awkward doesn’t even begin to cover it. 

Also, I haven’t received a telephone call from my oncologist.  I breathe a huge sigh of relief from that as I know from experience I would have gotten an immediate call had there been an issue or concern.

Today I have errands to run, appointments to complete, and blood to be drawn from my arm.  I best get going and I hope you all have a great day today!

Daily Prompt [Toxic]

Since my diagnosis in 2011 of Cowden Syndrome and Lhermitte-duclos Disease, I seem to have fine-tuned my toxic meter for people in my life.

Either people who were in my life and no longer are, or those in my life that I literally run from.

I know what to do now.

Daily Prompt [Swallow]

During church this morning I experienced an upsetting emotional moment which made me swallow hard and really take a look at things in my life right now.

I have a calling in Primary and I love this time so much.  But I especially love Singing Time as I was inactive as a child and missed it all.

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I don’t want to be known as the girl woman who’s “So good with kids”I wanted my own children!  

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I found myself talking with some kids this morning as we were singing songs and I was overcome.  Tears began to flow.  (I’ve written and then deleted the same line for 5 minutes here.  I don’t know what to say next!) – I’m feeling so sad and dejected and hopeless this morning.   I wanted to be a mother more than anything.  I know that even if I didn’t have Cowden Syndrome I still may not have had children, but still. Being around children is not the same as having a child. Your own child.

It’s not the same.  It’s not the same.  It’s not the same.  It’s not the same.  It’s not the same.  It’s not the same.  It’s not the same.  It’s not the same.

To any parent who is frustrated with their children at any moment of any day: Always remember how blessed you are to have a child.  Never forget that.  Please.

update

Hi everyone: I made it through the colonoscopy and EGD! It was a rough time; I’ll be very honest. So glad it’s over and now can move on to the next appointment on my calendar.

The GI doctor (whom I love!) biopsied 4 polyps in my colon and told my mom that my esophagus looked even BETTER than before! You may recall that my esophagus is “carpeted” with polyps and a few years ago I was referred to a specialist as there was talk about an esophagectomy at some point.  You can read about that fun time here.

GAH.

I’ll take this news as a small win and will be in touch soon.  ❤

 

Daily Prompt [Blush]

Any tendencies I had to blush while hopping into my hospital gown are now gone.  I will strip naked in front of any nurse or doctor any day of the week.  That’s just what Cowden Syndrome and Lhermitte-duclos Disease have given me!  Shall I be grateful?  Not really.  But since I’m kind of a professional patient now there’s no need for me hesitate.  I will jump right in to get the business done.  No time to waste!

Oh, and by the way, speaking of waste, tomorrow morning I have my next colonoscopyI don’t like that I am high-risk colon cancer, and in fact I don’t like that I am high-risk any cancer.  It’s just what is today.  This is almost hour five of me trying to get the prep down.  It’s rough.  And I mean r o u g h.

Please send me good MOJO in the morning!  I really appreciate it.