Daily Prompt: Disastrous

Looking back on my life, I would say the most disastrous day I ever lived through was the day I was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  (The anniversary of this event happened to be yesterday, July 18.)

Disasters happen.  This we know.

What’s the opposite of disaster?

This site shows many, many, many choices.  I just had the thought to print out each one of the words listed and place them all around my room.

Sound like a good idea to you?

Daily Prompt: Sail

At times, I wish I could sail off into the sunset.  To leave all my cares and worries behind me:  no more brain scans; no  more breast scans; no more kidney scans; no more colonoscopies and EGD’s; no more stress of worrying about the outcomes of the tests I must endure.  No more Cowden Syndrome and no more Lhermitte-duclos Disease discussion.  Ever.

Alas, life is not like a movie.  I don’t have that luxury around me, and to be honest, I really envy those that do.

But life is life.  And, it’s not a dress rehearsal.  This is my lot in life.  Call it bad or good, it’s mine and I must not ever give up.

 

Daily Prompt: Dash

The last few Daily Prompts have intrigued me and I have begun several blog posts.  But, each of them seem to be revolving around my medical status and remain in my drafts folder.  I know there’s something else to me besides medical everything.  Right?

So, in the spirit of acceptance I will dash to my next appointment and be back soon!  Happy 4th of July everyone. ❤

Daily Prompt: Imaginary

When I was little I didn’t have an imaginary friend.  I always wished I did, though.  Back then I always wondered, “Where do they meet their friend?” – HA.  To be a kid again and have that thought be the extent of my fears:  how to meet an imaginary friend.

Alas.  Today?  So much is different.

Where to even begin?  How can I separate my fears from imaginary ones?  Granted, getting diagnosed with 2 brain tumors was such a kick in the neck:  I will never have any fear worse than this come true.

Having some distance from 2011 though, I can’t say I do much of imagining anything anymore.

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Er. Not to sound like I am on the pity pot; it’s sad because it’s true.

 

Daily Prompt: Catapult

So Wikipedia tells me that catapult means: to launch a projectile a great distance without the aid of an explosive device.  Hmmm.

My first thought was about all the Mythbuster episodes I’ve watched in the past and I wonder how many episodes had a catapult in it?

My next thought is:  Someone put me in one of these and catapult me to the moon.  I am done.

Please pray for me.

I am shocked with the judge’s decision.  I am shocked that living with 2 brain tumors and a rare hereditary cancer syndrome doesn’t call for any compassion, support, understanding, anything.  

The “advocate” told me yesterday that in reading the judge’s 23 page report of my denial, I told one of my doctors in January 2014 I was having hot flashes but wanted to work.  (I had a hysterectomy the month earlier.  I had to endure forced surgical menopause.  Of course I had hot flashes!  Plus, my brain was a hell of a lot different in 2014 than it is today.  It was better then.  Things were better then.)

So our trusted government servant made his decision (partly) on what I said over 3 years ago.

I guess I’ve learned to never tell my doctor anything.

 

Daily Prompt: Notorious

My first thought on today’s Daily Prompt is that song.  I mean, COME ON.

Which leads me to…

When I was in middle school, my friends and I thought we were really clever.

When we wrote notes to each other, instead of using our real names we created code names.  That way, if a teacher caught us, or if we lost any of them, we would be in the clear!

My code name was Duran Duran.  I am totally serious.

Another friend was Thompson Twins and a third friend was Culture Club.  (Wait?  Or was *I* Thompson Twins?  GAH.  I have a tin of my old notes from middle school. I am going to go check right now!)

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.I sure miss those days.

 

 

Daily Prompt: Qualm

I admit I had to look up the definition of qualm.

And, now I can’t figure out how to use it properly.

  • Qualmy
  • I am feeling a lot of qualm this morning
  • Are you qualmed today?
  • Who’s needs help feeling qualm today?
  • The news is on TV. Do you have qualms about that?

UGH.  So, I don’t know how to use it in a sentence.  I’m thoroughly embarrassed to say that, but that’s OK.

Admitting is the first step to fixing the problem.  🙂

Daily Prompt: Hospitality

Am I the only one who saw “hospital” first?  No?  OK, then.

I laugh that I draw that conclusion.  But, you can’t blame me.  Out of all my hospital stays, many of them weren’t very hospitable.  I felt no hospitality whatsoever.  🙂

I could write stories of my experiences, and in fact I have many times.

One of my (many) wishes would be to talk to every JERKY nurse, doctor, technician I have come across since diagnosis and give them a piece of my mind,  tell them off, sincerely ask them why they are in the medical field.  If you don’t have one ounce of compassion in your soul, DO A DIFFERENT JOB!

 

 

Daily Prompt: Pursue

What do I pursue now that my life is such that it is?

Initially my plan was a career in education.  But, the brain tumors (and surgeries) have put a kink in that plan.

I know there’s more to my life than stress, financial ruin, depression, despair.

Where do I find the “more”?

 

 

 

 

Daily Prompt: Bitter

First off:  hahahaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.  I love this prompt!

Second:  Happy Monday!

Third:  I am reading this book and CANNOT put it down!  I was up until 1 am this morning (gah!) convincing myself, “One more chapter.  One more chapter!”  Without giving away too much of a spoiler, I was going to be VERY BITTER if Orson got hurt!

So, onto the daily prompt:  Let’s expound on this for a moment…

  1. I have 2 brain tumors
  2. I had to have a hysterectomy to manage my uterine cancer risk
  3. I live at home
  4. I am not able to work
  5. I am overweight
  6. I had thyroid cancer
  7. My esophagus is lined with an innumerable amount of polyps that (may) or may not turn malignant one day.
  8. I could find many more but let’s stop there.

I am not writing those things for pity.  I am writing them out as they are my reality since July 18, 2011.  Couldn’t I be bitter?  Shouldn’t I be bitter? And to be honest, I think in the beginning of this new life of mine I was in fact very bitter.  I had big dreams!  I was going to have a career and a family and be a wife and a mother and and and and….but in fact, my life didn’t turn out that way.

Today I have my bitter days, but now they are more bitter hours.  (Progress!)

Some days  I wake up pretty bitter that I can’t go out with friends, I can’t work, I can’t be a mother, I am not an independent woman, blah blah blah.  But, I can better name these moments now, and I while I may entertain the thoughts for a short while (because my feelings are my feelings and I want to honor them) then I move on and distract myself doing something else.  Whether that’s exercising, walking, volunteering, cleaning around the house, helping my family, writing on my blog, taking photographs (which is my new LOVE!) etc.

I think it’s very natural and normal to be bitter about things in our life.  What’s important is how we deal with that emotion.  Please don’t let it eat you up inside.  We are in this together.  ❤