But as I looked at it and read a few blogs, nothing is jiving for me. I could write a short post on the time I met Mr. T, or Sylvester Stallone, or Loretta Lynn and Mickey Gilly, or Brad Garrett. But meh.
What I will write about this morning is how much anxiety sucks. I mean, really and truly sucks.
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For those of you who suffer with anxiety what are some quick life hacks you turn to for help? Please share in the comments. Thank you.
I could write about the complications of my brain surgery, or hysterectomy. Or…any other thing in my life.
But I don’t want to focus on that this morning.
I just want peace.
I want my life to have meaning and I sure wish society didn’t place so much pressure expectations value everything that matters on women being mothers. What about those of us who can’t or aren’t able to have a child?
Lately, all I am seeing lately are “Mama” things, or “Mamacita”, “Wifey” or “Boss Mom” blah blah blah. Do you know what I would give to be able to wear something like that?
It hurts.
Rather, my heart hurts today.
I just noticed a similarity between this (Single/Women who aren’t mothers) and the adult population of the Rare Disease Community. I see so much about children with Rare Diseases, I wish people would realize know understand that there are adults who are diagnosed with them, too.
We are a forgotten bunch. 😦
The Internet is a crazy thing, isn’t it? You can stumble across all sorts of information if you’re not careful. Without boring you to tears, I just found out someone I “know” got married last summer. Nothing but the best of course to him and his bride…but I had this super secret place in my heart that…you know…welp….I hoped beyond hope for fate to step in…and you see where I am going with this, right? This knowledge has now infected my heart and hope tonight. 😦 Blergh.
Ugh.
If I didn’t already know I am very lonely, I sure as heck am aware of it now!
I will be the first to admit that there’s not much laughter in my life lately. That’s bad. Really bad. I know the lack of laughter is taking a toll on my body, too.
I have decided to create a list here (for me) of some things that make me laugh out loud. Hopefully you may find something you like too!
Hmm. Those are the only things that come to my head in this moment. I shall fix this and come back to this list to edit it and add more things that bring laughter to my life.
What are some things/people that make you laugh?
My bubble burst July 18, 2011 and my life has never and will never been the same.
Hello. My name is Heather and I would like to welcome you to my blog. Today’s post is full of anger and bitterness; thank you for joining me! 🙂
I have no connection to the daily prompt except that sleeve reminds me of peeved. Pissed. Angry. Furious. Frustrated. MAD. Irate. And, we will continue from here:
I have 2 brain tumors and a Rare Disease called Cowden Syndrome, which you may or may not know. What concerns me more than CS is the brain tumors I have, called Lhermitte-duclos Disease, or Gangliocytoma. I’ve already had 2 crainiotomies and am currently experiencing more symptoms that are annoying and down right scary. A few years ago I applied for disability, appealed, had an “advocate” (and I use this term loosely because I got snowed and he is a terrible excuse of a man) and after almost 4 years of the entire process the Judge finally denied me. Period. End of story. Do not pass go and do not collect 200 dollars. In part, he denied me because I was “calm and collected” in his courtroom and after my hysterectomy in 2013 I told a doctor on my team “I wanted to go back to work.” Ugh, thinking about this again makes me nauseous and I want to spit fire.
Since the outcome, and well actually since I started to feel any semblance of a normal life (probably around 2012) I have worked my ass off trying to find a job(s) so that I can survive. Do you know how expensive it is to LIVE though? If you have a job, be grateful. If you have money, be grateful. Be grateful for what you have.
Anyway, a few months ago I found another part-time job that is flexible and they understand my health issues, the brain tumors, the good days and bad days, the daily headaches, etc. I am very lucky to have found this job. And, guess what? I made “too much money” in April and May and will lose my state medical coverage the end of this month. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?!
And as I was running errands earlier today I ran across the booths offering FREE CELL PHONES TO ANYONE (who qualifies, whatever). WHAT ABOUT ME? WHY do I fall through the cracks? I will not debate immigration concerns, illegal or legal, because that’s not my job nor is that my concern today. MY CONCERN IS ME. MY LIFE. MY FUTURE. I AM AN AMERICAN CITIZEN AND GETTING DIAGNOSED WITH 2 BRAIN TUMORS HAS DESTROYED MY LIFE. WHY AREN’T I AS IMPORTANT AS OTHER PEOPLE?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
May is brain tumor awareness month. Brain tumors are evil bastards that ruin lives. Mine, included. Please visit these links to find ways you can help. Thank you ❤
American Brain Tumor Association
I have a vague recollection of wanting to write something brain tumor-ish these last few days. Of how I feel so silly most of the time because I nod along with people as if I have a clue what they are talking about. When in reality, I have no idea. When will I be found out? When will others know I am full of crap? When I get clarity on a situation when I had no idea I didn’t understand it from the start: FRUSTRATION times infinity.
Sometimes, I feel like Joey in that Friends episode with the encyclopedias.
My diagnosis of Lhermitte-duclos Disease and then Cowden Syndrome disrupted my life so completely that even 7 years later I am still reeling. Trying to find my balance and inner strength.
I am so very thankful to have gotten through these last few months relatively unscathed. 🙂 The EGD and colonoscopy was rough, but completed. And then breast MRI was “easier” than I remembered! The only negative thing I immediately noticed is my shoulders were very sore (you lay on your stomach with your arms stretched overhead). Awkward doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Also, I haven’t received a telephone call from my oncologist. I breathe a huge sigh of relief from that as I know from experience I would have gotten an immediate call had there been an issue or concern.
Today I have errands to run, appointments to complete, and blood to be drawn from my arm. I best get going and I hope you all have a great day today!
hopeforheather 