And, I’m wearing ear plugs.
I wonder if any other people living with brain tumors have increased hearing sensitivity.
My anxiety is through the roof as I’m already anticipating the
gun shots fireworks in a few hours. Taking an Ativan and calling it an early night!
The Internet is a crazy thing, isn’t it? You can stumble across all sorts of information if you’re not careful. Without boring you to tears, I just found out someone I “know” got married last summer. Nothing but the best of course to him and his bride…but I had this super secret place in my heart that…you know…welp….I hoped beyond hope for fate to step in…and you see where I am going with this, right? This knowledge has now infected my heart and hope tonight. 😦 Blergh.
If I didn’t already know I am very lonely, I sure as heck am aware of it now!
I will be the first to admit that there’s not much laughter in my life lately. That’s bad. Really bad. I know the lack of laughter is taking a toll on my body, too.
I have decided to create a list here (for me) of some things that make me laugh out loud. Hopefully you may find something you like too!
Hmm. Those are the only things that come to my head in this moment. I shall fix this and come back to this list to edit it and add more things that bring laughter to my life.
What are some things/people that make you laugh?
Oh my. I could fill an entire blog of pictures of things that are beloved to me. What first is brought to my mind is our beloved Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, recently passed away. I remember when President Hinckley passed away and how painful that was. This loss is the same yet different.
The 2nd thing brought to my mind, (besides my family of course) is my boy Shadow. I am going to start crying as I type this, so I will keep this short. He had a rough life before us. He lived (and somehow survived) on the streets for over 10 years. He is now waiting for me on the Rainbow Bridge as of this past December. I am minutely comforted in this loss by reminding myself that during the last year of his life he was loved, fed, protected, and a host of other things we were able to give to him.
I miss him terribly.
I suppose it’s a good to focus on other things besides brain tumors and hereditary cancer syndromes. But, to be honest, today isn’t that day.
We had to put my cat to sleep on Saturday. I am devastated. Shredded. Torn up. Ruined. I cannot describe the intense bond I had with this boy. He had been abandoned, and in this past year we fed him and gave him shelter and love. It was only about 6 months ago, when we knew he was losing his eyesight, that we brought him in our house full time. He was loved. So, very loved.
I will miss you Shadow every moment of every day. Until I see you again. ❤
Some of you may know I attend the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It has been a huge part of my life for actually – most of it. I have several generations of Pioneer Ancestors and am thankful and grateful to have that heritage in my life.
When I began this blog years ago, I did have faith and knowledge of our Savior and His role in my life. It had been tested over the years, or granted, I had been tested. Nothing on par with getting diagnosed with 2 brain tumors, but you get my drift.
Yet looking back, I truly didn’t understand anything. I don’t feel I ever was truly mad at Heavenly Father once I got diagnosed, I just was pretty bleh about my life and everything that came with it. I just didn’t care. About anything. Not anger just indifference. I didn’t care. Period.
Fast forward through years of therapy, life, writing on this blog, etc. I am glad I can now ponder about that time in my life. I am so happy with my decision to start this blog so that time of my life is documented in this small space on the Internet. What I was thinking/doing/feeling/wanting/fearing at the moments of getting diagnosed with a brain tumor and subsequent Rare Disease of Cowden Syndrome are emotions I don’t like to recall often, but glad I can review them if I want to.
Every 6 months my church has General Conference, where the Leaders and Prophet counsel us. It is quite a momentous event and I have been blessed enough to attend 2 (3?) times in my life, once in the Tabernacle and once in the Conference Center (when it was dedicated!). I attended church yesterday and I suppose this is why this is on my mind to write about. I feel renewed that I have this faith and knowledge I can always rely on, it is always there for me, if I choose to embrace it. I cannot ever deny what I know to be true.
Over the last few months I started this habit (I guess it’s a habit, although maybe a goal is a better word?) to choose a Conference talk to listen to each day. There is no rhyme or reason to my choosing. I open the app, scroll to a year (today’s was 2004) and then click.
Today’s Conference talk is Believe by Sister Dalton.
This is all coming full circle for me and I am grateful to see the connection.
It was just what I needed to hear today and I would like to share it with you.
Do you have any daily habits or goals you work on achieving?
I recently realized I like to shop/surf the web when I am bored. Or hungry. Or lonely. Or tired. I have found myself often looking at websites I have no business being on (Amazon, Target, QVC, etc.)
Now that I have had this lightbulb moment I want to do some behavior modifications (love how I know these big words yet have no idea how to start this into my life, HAHA)…
Seems like most everyone I know is a YouTuber, or has a “Channel”. Of course, I know of You Tube and have gone down that black hole many a times. But, my purpose now is to find Channels to watch that I have some sort of connection to: Disney, Health, Rare Disease, brain tumor, etc. I love to listen to podcasts (click here to see my absolute favorite EVER!) but this is a way I can branch out, with a purpose.
When I find some more I like I’ll let you guys know. Are there any podcasts or YouTube Channels you like?