Hey guys. It’s been a long while but I’m still here. I think, naively of course, that since I have now “graduated” to brain scans every 2 years, I am home free! Of course, that’s not true and in just a month or so time it’s time for my colonoscopy and EGD. Which, if you remember from previous posts, they suck balls.
I am focusing on a lot of self-care lately, which has included hot baths, books, and short “staycations” with my Mom. Talk soon! ❤
I spoke with my therapist this morning. Why is it so much easier to talking to her? When she explains things, or responds back to something I said, in my mind I’m saying to myself, “Yep. Yep. Yep and yep.” I wish I could just keep her in my back pocket sometimes and pull her out in emergency. 🙂
I have been making an effort to attend more Al-Anon meetings as of late, too. I was struck by something my sponsor’s friend shared: “Give time time.”
Oh, so much to unpack here, but I don’t want to set myself up for another sobbing fest. I will continue to ponder that phrase and try to apply it. Every moment of every day. I have been grieving so very hard my co-worker and and feel guilty about my “lack of” grief for my sponsor.
I haven’t cried for the last 3 days. Just for today.
I am still trying to navigate this grief. Not doing super well, tbh.
Reading sometimes help to distract myself.
Taking and editing photos sometimes helps as well. Visit me at @ZHeatherChamp to see!
Cowden Syndrome doesn’t stop for anything; and I continue to schedule and manage medical appointments in the midst of 2020. 🙂 Thank goodness for planners!
Please tell me how you are doing?
In the past 10 days, I have lost 2 friends suddenly to heart attacks. One passed away this past Sunday, and the other one died the Sunday before that.
I am always honest on my blog. This is the only safe place for me where I can be fully open and vulnerable, no judgement from anyone or anywhere because this small blog space is mine and mine only.
I am not doing well with these 2 losses.
Maybe I will write more about these painful and sudden losses of life. These were 2 pretty important people in my life and I cannot see forward.
EDIT: So, I cannot do simple math. Last Thursday I found out a very good friend passed away suddenly. And a few hours ago I found out a former colleague died. That is a major blow to anyone, let alone 2 deaths in 6 days.
I have thought about this for the last little while. I can’t begin to imagine how amazing this would feel! Everything (almost) is shut down, so why can’t my PTEN mutation be as well? (Insert sarcasm)…
I had to go outside today. Besides wanting the basics of some much needed Vitamin D, I had to see a doctor for my clinical breast exam. You might be wondering why I just don’t do it myself? I will leave that to another post. 🙂 This is how it’s been done since 2011 and it works for me. Every 3 months something is happening with my l a d i e s. Either a mammogram, MRI, or clinical breast exam. And, on the rare occasion a breast ultrasound.
Got my mask and ventured out this morning. Yay!
Even if I wanted to hole up under my covers due to Covid19, Cowden Syndrome won’t let me. So, I g u e s s that is at least 1 thing positive right now.
What are you doing during this downtime? Any fiction books or Netflix documentaries you could recommend?