For Pete’s sake, I have Cowden Syndrome and Lhermitte-duclos Disease and can’t think of anything to write about today? Eeeeeesh, that’s weird. I just spent 20 minutes looking up “Blog post ideas” and got sucked into the black hole of competitors and marketing? Baha. No clue.
I have some news that I am debating about sharing here. You guys are the greatest and I know you’ll be supportive and happy for me! ❤
I decided to join a few books clubs and I am very excited to go to them. I was a huge reader before diagnosis, but then I put it away for a while because it became so challenging for me; and in fact it still is. But, I know reading is good for my brain so I am thankful to have found my passion for it again.
I ordered the books online and can’t wait for them to arrive. I’ll share them with you soon.
Fall is just around the corner; I cannot wait. Which then leads to Christmas time which is brain scan time. Blech. Saw the oncologist a few weeks ago and have a mammogram and kidney scan coming up quick. I wish I could tell you I am a pro now at these appointments, but haha, nope.
I do not want to ignore my feelings, but I then wonder am I doing myself a dis-service by not writing about them? I can’t will them away; my thoughts or what I’m experiencing. It’s a bitter pill for me to swallow as I am acutely aware of how many walls I am running into because of my wonky balance issues.
Soon enough I will write about the current brain tumor/surgery/symptoms I am experiencing. Not tonight though.
Oh one more thing. Have you watched this show? I love it so much I cannot stand it!
How appropriate today’s daily prompt is! As I am pondering this early Saturday morning a few things keep going over in my mind:
Life is messy. It just is.
What matters is what do you do with it, right? I know I say that often, but I want to keep reminding myself that although my (medical) life is out of control, and that directly affects all other areas of my life, I am still here! I can and should still exert control (my choices, rather) on what I do and do not want to do with my life. My bedroom is a hot mess. My closet is a hot mess. My hair is a hot mess. My car is a hot mess. I guess I just have embraced the messy because I feel that’s a representation of my life. (!!!!!!!!)
Gosh, who knew that blogging could be such great therapy, LOL. That’s exactly it. I’ve been absorbed into the mess that is my life and cannot find a way out of it.
YET, I do have a choice!
Even if it’s as simple as reading a good book. Or listening to music I enjoy. Or cleaning out the trunk of my car.
Cowden Syndrome and Lhermitte-duclos Disease robbed me of the life I hoped and dreamed to have: Mother, wife, blah blah blah. When you have no dreams or hopes and feel your life is a mess…ew that’s just too much for any one person to handle.
I am reminded I only have to “handle” today. I will finish this blog post and and start on my laundry. Then, I will make sure I make time to pick up this book that I have been trying to finish for years!
Thank you for being here! ❤
What are you doing today?
First off: hahahaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I love this prompt!
Second: Happy Monday!
Third: I am reading this book and CANNOT put it down! I was up until 1 am this morning (gah!) convincing myself, “One more chapter. One more chapter!” Without giving away too much of a spoiler, I was going to be VERY BITTER if Orson got hurt!
So, onto the daily prompt: Let’s expound on this for a moment…
- I have 2 brain tumors
- I had to have a hysterectomy to manage my uterine cancer risk
- I live at home
- I am not able to work
- I am overweight
- I had thyroid cancer
- My esophagus is lined with an innumerable amount of polyps that (may) or may not turn malignant one day.
- I could find many more but let’s stop there.
I am not writing those things for pity. I am writing them out as they are my reality since July 18, 2011. Couldn’t I be bitter? Shouldn’t I be bitter? And to be honest, I think in the beginning of this new life of mine I was in fact very bitter. I had big dreams! I was going to have a career and a family and be a wife and a mother and and and and….but in fact, my life didn’t turn out that way.
Today I have my bitter days, but now they are more bitter hours. (Progress!)
Some days I wake up pretty bitter that I can’t go out with friends, I can’t work, I can’t be a mother, I am not an independent woman, blah blah blah. But, I can better name these moments now, and I while I may entertain the thoughts for a short while (because my feelings are my feelings and I want to honor them) then I move on and distract myself doing something else. Whether that’s exercising, walking, volunteering, cleaning around the house, helping my family, writing on my blog, taking photographs (which is my new LOVE!) etc.
I think it’s very natural and normal to be bitter about things in our life. What’s important is how we deal with that emotion. Please don’t let it eat you up inside. We are in this together. ❤
I am by no means a writer. I use this blog to document my life since diagnosis, so I guess it’s more a journal, of sorts. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! But, I have always wished I could write well/better. I like to do these Daily Prompts when I can to gain some practice. Hopefully it’s improving my writing.
As a child, I was definitely an avid reader. I remember being holed up in my room all weekend reading either these or these. I probably didn’t see the sun on most weekends when I was a teenager. One of my best memories is going to the mall each month to get the next in this series!
Then life happens and I kind of get out of the habit of reading. Weird. Books are in my veins. I have worked at 2 different bookstores, too!
But lately? Something has changed. Since diagnosis of brain tumors and surgeries, reading has been much more difficult for me. Not enjoyable. Almost painful and completely irritating. When I have to re-read the same paragraph many times, I just get so angry. At myself, at my life’s situation, everything.
Thankfully I changed that mindset a few months ago. I have picked up reading again with a vengeance almost. I know how beneficial reading is, and I view it as physical therapy for my brain.
Do you like to read? What would you recommend?