I’m not sure what’s going on with me. I can’t stop crying. Literally. At a moment’s notice.
I want to be strong. I want to be smart. I want to be realistic.
- Sunday was the 10 year anniversary of my brain tumor diagnosis.
- Both of my cats are 17 years old and are in very rapid decline. Almost simultaneously.
- Next week is the 10 year mark of the first brain surgery.
- I am turning 50 years old next year.
- I stopped the anti-depressant this past May, with doctor support and direction.
- I am in the process of going back to college and am having difficulty with a certain department on campus. Also, I was denied financial aid and am in the process of trying to petition to have it reinstated.
This is a very, very short list.
I am so acutely aware of my own mortality and everything around me.
I don’t want to go back on an anti-depressant. I want to feel my feelings yet be very mindful of my limitations.
I am scared the weeping won’t ever stop.
I am so glad I remembered by password to my blog!
Also, thank you to Jaana for the inspo for this blog post. And away we go:
Making: Healthy choices as best as I can. 10K steps a day, baby!
Sipping: Syntrax Nectar. GET THIS.
Reading: The AA Big Book
Looking: at stickers for my Passion Planner
Listening: Tom Misch
Wishing: that people would use their God-given agency for good and not evil
Enjoying: the time that I get to spend (due to the covid) with my 16 year-old cats (Kona and Tigger)
Waiting: to exhale 🙂
Liking: that zoom connects me with so many great people!
Loving: that I have a job (especially b/c of the covid)
Buying: too many things on Amazon
Watching: Days of Our Lives
Hoping: for recovery for our Nation
Needing: more water
Wearing: all the yoga pants – thanks covid
Following: only as much “news” as I can stomach
Noticing: the actions of people
Getting: Fed. UP.
Saving: for a Vegas trip!
Bookmarking: exercise videos
Coveting: some oreos
Opening: my mind
Giggling: with my family
Feeling: again so grateful for my job (esp. b/c of the covid)
Hearing: box fan
Obsessing: over the new season of 90 Day Fiance
Missing: how we were before the covid