This weekend I was preparing for the lesson and came across something that stopped me in my tracks and I would like to share it with you:
Hope you have a great week. ❤
I am shaking my head about this, but I feel it needs to be written for no other reason but for clarification purposes. I hope that you all will either get a good chuckle about this, or say to yourself, “Oh man! I had no idea. I’m glad I read this.” 🙂
I saw one of my mannnnnnny doctors a while back and she said something to me at the end of my appointment that was really surprising. She knows I attend this church and in our conversation she said, “Now be sure to tell them you go to the Church of the Latter-day Saints.”
Now, she didn’t say “The Mormon Church”; which I could have easily corrected her, respectfully and lovingly, by telling her the name of the church is: “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints”. (For some reason, people seem to gloss over the Jesus Christ part! Why? I don’t get it.) Even NPR‘s “Fact Checker” didn’t do any research as I have heard it stated on air the same way my chiropractor mentioned it.
I was just so taken aback that I didn’t get a chance to say to her, “You accidentally left out the most important part: Jesus Christ.” On all the logos, missionaries badges, etc., the name of Jesus Christ is BOLD because it’s THE MOST IMPORTANT PART.
I know I am not here to change the world. I can only do what I can do on this tiny part of the Internet. I just want YOU to know that I believe and worship in Jesus Christ. He leads the church I attend.
Some of you know I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I have written several posts about being a member of this church, and as I looked at the calendar I knew exactly what I wanted to write about today:
Twenty-seven years ago TODAY I made the choice to be baptized. I was 15! As they say, “Where has the time gone?!” Geez, I could wax philosophical. But, I won’t. I have a testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel and I know that Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God. I know it. I have a testimony of Family History work and the importance of seeking out our kindred. Just this week I was working on the Family Search site and searching for sources on one of my mom’s line. I found one of my ancestors listed on a U.S. Census but who was not listed on the website. Which means no one had any record of her! Quickly I did some more
digging searching and was able to verify who she was via the sources (I LOVE the sources!) And this was all in a matter of less than 1 hour!
Something happened to me at church today, and I really didn’t like it. I teach Relief Society once a month and this morning during the lesson I got very dizzy and lost my balance. (Thankfully I didn’t faceplant). I was embarrassed and really scared. I know that most of the sisters thought I was getting emotional about what I was reading, although a few sisters (who know my history) knew exactly what was happening.
I was fighting a headache all morning. Then that happened. It kind of felt like I was on a roller coaster ride and it was still moving, although I wasn’t. I grabbed a chair and very carefully sat down on it. It was the weirdest thing. Sure, I get dizzy when I lay down for bed. Or, when I’m turning over in bed. Or, when I am walking and I look down, or any such thing. But, this was new. And, I didn’t like it.
I guess this is brain tumor life. Or, Lhermitte-duclos life. Or, brain surgery life. Who knows. It’s just terrifying. Scary, unknown stuff and I’m scared this dizzy crap is going to start really interfering with my quality of life.
Crap. Freaking crap crap crap.
What in the world am I doing up this late?
Oh, yeah. My anxiety is flaring. Big time.
But I had a good day today. It started out well. I guess.
During the 2nd hour of church I worked on some Family History. I have such a strong calling to search after my ancestors, and there is one line in my family where I am completely stuck. At a wall. Either this man saw a murder or he committed a murder and changed his last name in the process. Pretty crazy stuff. But I am committed to figure out, somehow, what happened and to find the rest of my ancestors.
I taught the Relief Society lesson today also. It went very well. The Spirit was so strong, and the sisters were responsive and it was just a great discussion. I am so lucky.
But. Here comes the gnarly part: I can’t deny that my brain is changing. And I don’t know what to do with this. My brain is changing and other things are changing too and it’s scaring the crap out of me. I am so saddled with grief that my only option is to take more medication to help manage my symptoms. Who knows how these symptoms will progress is another thing that scares the holy crap out of me, too.
I guess I should be glad I had a good 3 years – and now I feel it’s all going downhill from here. I’m so scared. What do I do about my brain changing and my body changing? This dizzy crap that makes me feel like I’m going to fall over? And then what if I can’t drive anymore? It’s weird that these symptoms seemed to have come up from no where, if that makes sense. I have so much anxiety in my heart yet as I sit here to write it all out I’m blocked. I cannot seem to get it from my head to my fingers. I don’t know how to process these emotions of what’s going on inside of me. You know, my biggest fear (when I had the first surgery) was that when I woke up I was going to be different. And, by the grace of Heavenly Father I wasn’t. Yet, the brain is such an amazing thing I think I had no idea how magnificent it really is. So, as I sit here typing, I’m wondering, “What can I do to take care of my brain better?” Well, duh. Sleep would be job #1. But what else? I know there are tons of things out there about classical music and our brains – and I do listen to classical music quite often. I should really research this and look into this more…I’m afraid that my brain, or at least my cerebellum, is tired. Wouldn’t you be, too, after a freaking 13-hour long surgery?! I need to really take good care of it.
This seems like a dream. This doesn’t seem real. Like, I don’t, or can’t, believe that I am the person who has 2 brain tumors, who had a hysterectomy, and will never be a mother, because of these 2 rare genetic conditions that I just found out about only 3 years ago. I guess looking at it that way, I’m only a toddler on this Rare Disease Road. And, toddlers need a lot of love and support. For the record, I want off the effing road, but I know that can’t happen.
So with all this being written, I am going to go to bed. Turn on my iPod and listen to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir hymns and just sleep for tonight. I know I can live in fear or I can live in faith. These 2 emotions waiver minute by minute I’ve noticed. So, when I tip over into fear, I need to do something quickly to get back in faith. That’s why I jumped on here and wrote for a few minutes so I can clear my head. And to remember the great things about today.
(Nephew #2 had me draw a name out of a plastic baggie because we are doing “Secret Santa” and it ended up that I drew my name!) 🙂 But, we fixed it after all.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and have been quite lucky to travel to several Temples over several states. The following is a list of the ones I have been to and I hope to add to this list soon!
(Click here to read about why Temples are built.)
Why is it that I seem to think of blog posts as I am rushing to get to church each week?
Since I am a substitute teacher I think often of how I can present my lesson material to the sisters to make it interesting and engaging. Each month, I read the lesson and choose several sections that I think we can cover during the hour. I read the Section Question aloud to the sisters; then we all read together (or “Popcorn” as some teachers may know it to be called); then I read the question again at the end of the section and hopefully we have a great discussion about what was just read. 🙂
Last month I had prepared a different way to give my lesson. I friend of mine who is a 2nd grade teacher, and also taught for Relief Society last month as a substitute, shared this method with me and I really felt good about it. “Let’s do it!”, I thought to myself. I was excited. I had prepared. I thought the lesson would be great! Interesting! Engaging! Participation to the “T”! I was ready to go!
Except for one thing.
That morning I felt sick. Scared. Nervous. Uneasy. Unhinged. I could not figure it out! I shouldn’t be nervous to stand before these women – most of them have known me since birth. It was the oddest feeling. I couldn’t much put my finger on it. I just knew something was different. Was it me? Why was I doubting things and my ability? What was going on? What was up? Right before class I was reviewing the chapter and a sister came over to me to visit. I shared with her my feelings, and I said to her that I wondered if this was the Spirit telling me something? She said that there was a difference between doubting my ability and receiving an impression from the Holy Ghost. OF COURSE she was right. I just didn’t know how to tell which was which!
Even as I walked into the Relief Society room I had no idea which was I was going to teach the lesson. As I walked up to the podium, I began to talk. Sometimes like to make small jokes (nothing inappropriate) but I say that I am OK with throwing myself under the bus as long as *I* am the one doing it. 🙂 And I shared my dilemma about which way I was going to present my lesson to them. The:
And, I just went into #1. The usual way I teach.
After the lesson was over I had a few women tell me that they really dislike lessons using #2. And another one told me last week that she was glad I chose #1 because it was “something I was good at”.
In hindsight I am very glad to have had this experience. While I am not the best at articulating things, it was good for me to have those “feelings” and to discern to the best of my ability and then give it my best shot.
* How have I just found out about the wonder that is Jasmine Green Tea? WOW. I love that stuff! How many is TOO many cups to have in a day anyway? 🙂
* One of my cousins shared on Facebook a link to a General Conference talk by Richard G. Scott. For my LDS friends this will make sense to you, for those who are Non-LDS, 2 times a year in April and October our church leaders speak to members world wide on a variety of spiritual topics. I just learned last night that they are not given topics to speak on, each speaker will fast and pray and choose their own subject matter. Here is the link to the talk as I haven’t figured out WordPress enough to see if I can somehow insert it like you can on Blogspot:
God answers prayers and for me to have come across this talk (via my cousin) from 1995 is an answer to one of my many, many, prayers. 🙂