Eff my life

I have a virtual friend who has offered me her expertise, advice, support, on this whole disability mess.  (THANK YOU!)

I chose not to read the judge’s 23 page denial because it will only make me angrier and more suicidal.

My virtual friend was kind enough to read the denial for me.

In part, the denial states that I was “fine and happy” in the courtroom.  (I was trying to be professional and not lose my marbles.  I almost did cause a scene at the end and I held it together because I was afraid THAT would be held against me.)

Over the years I have told my doctors that “I’m fine”.  The judge held that against me in part of his reason to deny me.

(I have only told my numerous doctors “I’m fine” because I AM TIRED OF TELLING THEM ABOUT MY PAIN ALL THE TIME.  MY CONSTANT HEAD PAIN, CONFUSION, MEMORY PROBLEMS, FINE MOTOR SKILLS PROBLEMS, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, ETC.)  But, that doesn’t mean over the 6 years since my life got turned upside down I never told ANY doctor I am in horrific pain?  I DID!

The advocate told me if I chose to appeal then my case would go back to the same judge.  My virtual friend said that in the denial it says that it may not go back to the same judge.

So kids.  If you’re in the process of filing to disability, don’t EVER tell any of your doctors that you are fine.  And, don’t find someone to “help” you online.

Quiet

I know I have been pretty quiet here as of late.

I wish I could say it was because I had nothing to write about.  Unfortunately, that’s not the case.

Next week is my disability hearing.

I have worked so hard to stay positive and hopeful.  It’s a moment by moment deal for me.  I find ways to distract myself when I start to stress out about what’s going to happen before the Judge.

Working on keeping my head down and plugging along.

I’ll be back very soon.

 

 

Hearing. Finally?

Tomorrow morning I may or may not go before the Judge in my Disability hearing.

Will you please say a short prayer, or send up good MOJO to the stars for me?

I’m so nervous, but have prayed for my peace of mind and heart for weeks.

Thank you very much.

EDIT:  Aaaack.  I set this to be published 2 days ago in case I wasn’t near my computer today.  Found out the hearing has been postponed.  Thank you for the prayers.  I still welcome them and am very grateful.