Connect the dots

Sometimes, it’s fun to look back at from where I came.  My real medical life began in 2003 when I got diagnosed with thyroid cancer.  I hadn’t really been all that sick prior to that.  Little things here and there, had my tonsils removed when I was 19, that’s about it.

Obviously I can connect the dots now and see how most everything from birth-2003 and then 2003-2011 screamed Cowden Syndrome, but whatev.  Did you know that thyroid cancer is one of the “signs” (my words) of Cowden Syndrome?!

I saw the endocrinologist this week.  With all the ones I’ve been through, not including one specific one who was my doctor for EIGHT YEARS, this current one is pretty good.  I’ve had better (see previous sentence) and I have seen much worse.

People can’t seem to leave my TSH alone.  It’s either too high; too low; too whatever and we have to worry about blah blah blah.  I just KNOW how I feel when my TSH is a certain number.  Can’t you all leave me alone?  (NOTE:  Mild sarcasm.  I get it.)

I saw Dr. Endo this week.  He loves my TSH at 1. something.  I hate it.

I love my TSH around .10 or .20.  But, he doesn’t.

Anyway, more blood work.  Checking of my T3 or T4 or something.  I don’t know.  Then, I see Dr. Oncologist in the next weeks to check The Ladies.  

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What’s new with you?  🙂

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I cried today

And sometimes, it just happens.  I don’t know why I was especially weepy today.  I am trying to just embrace and accept my emotions as they come.  I imagine tomorrow will be better.  It has to be.

Since last Friday, I have had appointments with the Neurosurgeon (no significant growth on either brain tumor!), Oncologist, Endocrinologist, Physical Therapist (thankfully the insurance approved a few more visits!) and Therapist.  Plus I have a temporary substitute job.  I think I just hit the wall today.

I cried at therapy.  A lot.  All this stuff came up about the brain tumors, not being able to do what I once could, feeling so overwhelmed with what is. I understand the importance of constant doctor appointments; to catch “in time” anything potentially life-threatening.  I just don’t seem to have accepted this life yet.  I don’t know.  I guess I still feel different from everyone.  Like the brain tumors and rare disease have put a target on my back.  It may not make sense to you, but it’s how I am feeling tonight.

Tomorrow has to be better.