You know, never in a million zillion years did I ever think I’d have brain tumors, let alone blacking out, hitting my head, and taking a ride in an ambulance! Yet here we are.
This incident was just a few days ago but it seems like yesterday. (A little back story: I have something wrong with my left thumb joint. For the last few months I have been feeling a lot of pain, and I mean a LOT of pain, and a “double-jointedness” on the joint right below my thumbnail. In other words, arthritis. – SIDE NOTE: I am reminded of a story of one of my little nephews. When he was a kid he called his Big Toe his “Thumb Toe”. Isn’t that the sweetest? ❤
Anyway, back to my story: It was around 4 am and I woke up to use the restroom and I always take my thyroid pill around this time. I remember opening the lid with my left hand and I got a shooting pain (I used the word excruciating) in my thumb and the next thing I remember I’m laying flat on my back on my bedroom floor. And I didn’t crumple like a little flower mind you; I hit the floor like a lead brick. I remember somehow getting to my bed and thinking to myself, “I should yell for Mom to come help me.”
The next thing I remember I am in the restroom trying to finish my business and I remember toilet tissue in my hand. Then, I am again crumpled on the floor, the back of my head is killing me, and my Mom is in my face screaming, “Heather! Are you OK? Heather! What happened?”
She said I stood in her bedroom doorway and told her, “Mom, I need your help” and I crumpled onto the floor and she heard the thud of my head against the wall. I’m not going to lie, I’m getting a good amount of anxiety as I am writing this. I want to share this with you and also to document my life today. When I am gone I want others to know how hard I tried, especially my nephews. I want to them to know how much I love them with a love that fills a thousand oceans to infinity. How they give me more joy and the strength to carry on. How hard I tried to be positive and never give up. How hard I tried not to be bitter about my lot in life.
Oh my. I could fill an entire blog of pictures of things that are beloved to me. What first is brought to my mind is our beloved Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, recently passed away. I remember when President Hinckley passed away and how painful that was. This loss is the same yet different.
The 2nd thing brought to my mind, (besides my family of course) is my boy Shadow. I am going to start crying as I type this, so I will keep this short. He had a rough life before us. He lived (and somehow survived) on the streets for over 10 years. He is now waiting for me on the Rainbow Bridge as of this past December. I am minutely comforted in this loss by reminding myself that during the last year of his life he was loved, fed, protected, and a host of other things we were able to give to him.
I miss him terribly.
Well, folks. I made it through the hearing.
I have refocused my thoughts since then to positive ones, but believe me, it’s very hard.
When I walked out of the hearing room I broke down. From the pent-up emotions, things the judge said, my stress, everything. I just lost it.
But, in the time that’s passed I keep reminding myself that: I DID MY VERY BEST. There’s absolutely no point in rehashing what I “wish I would have said”. I will hear the judge’s decision in 30 days.
I am repeating to myself a mantra: “I am health. I am wealth. I am love” – which translates to: I don’t want breast cancer. I want to be financially stable. I want significant love in my life.
Thank you everyone for your prayers and good thoughts. I am envisioning success!