During church this morning I experienced an
upsetting emotional moment which made me swallow hard and really take a look at things in my life right now.
I have a calling in Primary and I love this time so much. But I especially love Singing Time as I was inactive as a child and missed it all.
I don’t want to be known as the
girl woman who’s “So good with kids”. I wanted my own children!
I found myself talking with some kids this morning as we were singing songs and I was overcome. Tears began to flow. (I’ve written and then deleted the same line for 5 minutes here. I don’t know what to say next!) – I’m feeling so sad and dejected and hopeless this morning. I wanted to be a mother more than anything. I know that even if I didn’t have Cowden Syndrome I still may not have had children, but still. Being around children is not the same as having a child. Your own child.
It’s not the same. It’s not the same. It’s not the same. It’s not the same. It’s not the same. It’s not the same. It’s not the same. It’s not the same.
To any parent who is frustrated with their children at any moment of any day: Always remember how blessed you are to have a child. Never forget that. Please.
Some of you may know I attend the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It has been a huge part of my life for actually – most of it. I have several generations of Pioneer Ancestors and am thankful and grateful to have that heritage in my life.
When I began this blog years ago, I did have faith and knowledge of our Savior and His role in my life. It had been tested over the years, or granted, I had been tested. Nothing on par with getting diagnosed with 2 brain tumors, but you get my drift.
Yet looking back, I truly didn’t understand anything. I don’t feel I ever was truly mad at Heavenly Father once I got diagnosed, I just was pretty bleh about my life and everything that came with it. I just didn’t care. About anything. Not anger just indifference. I didn’t care. Period.
Fast forward through years of therapy, life, writing on this blog, etc. I am glad I can now ponder about that time in my life. I am so happy with my decision to start this blog so that time of my life is documented in this small space on the Internet. What I was thinking/doing/feeling/wanting/fearing at the moments of getting diagnosed with a brain tumor and subsequent Rare Disease of Cowden Syndrome are emotions I don’t like to recall often, but glad I can review them if I want to.
Every 6 months my church has General Conference, where the Leaders and Prophet counsel us. It is quite a momentous event and I have been blessed enough to attend 2 (3?) times in my life, once in the Tabernacle and once in the Conference Center (when it was dedicated!). I attended church yesterday and I suppose this is why this is on my mind to write about. I feel renewed that I have this faith and knowledge I can always rely on, it is always there for me, if I choose to embrace it. I cannot ever deny what I know to be true.
Over the last few months I started this habit (I guess it’s a habit, although maybe a goal is a better word?) to choose a Conference talk to listen to each day. There is no rhyme or reason to my choosing. I open the app, scroll to a year (today’s was 2004) and then click.
Today’s Conference talk is Believe by Sister Dalton.
This is all coming full circle for me and I am grateful to see the connection.
It was just what I needed to hear today and I would like to share it with you.
Do you have any daily habits or goals you work on achieving?
I am shaking my head about this, but I feel it needs to be written for no other reason but for clarification purposes. I hope that you all will either get a good chuckle about this, or say to yourself, “Oh man! I had no idea. I’m glad I read this.” 🙂
I saw one of my mannnnnnny doctors a while back and she said something to me at the end of my appointment that was really surprising. She knows I attend this church and in our conversation she said, “Now be sure to tell them you go to the Church of the Latter-day Saints.”
Now, she didn’t say “The Mormon Church”; which I could have easily corrected her, respectfully and lovingly, by telling her the name of the church is: “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints”. (For some reason, people seem to gloss over the Jesus Christ part! Why? I don’t get it.) Even NPR‘s “Fact Checker” didn’t do any research as I have heard it stated on air the same way my chiropractor mentioned it.
I was just so taken aback that I didn’t get a chance to say to her, “You accidentally left out the most important part: Jesus Christ.” On all the logos, missionaries badges, etc., the name of Jesus Christ is BOLD because it’s THE MOST IMPORTANT PART.
I know I am not here to change the world. I can only do what I can do on this tiny part of the Internet. I just want YOU to know that I believe and worship in Jesus Christ. He leads the church I attend.
Some of you know I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I have written several posts about being a member of this church, and as I looked at the calendar I knew exactly what I wanted to write about today:
Twenty-seven years ago TODAY I made the choice to be baptized. I was 15! As they say, “Where has the time gone?!” Geez, I could wax philosophical. But, I won’t. I have a testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel and I know that Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God. I know it. I have a testimony of Family History work and the importance of seeking out our kindred. Just this week I was working on the Family Search site and searching for sources on one of my mom’s line. I found one of my ancestors listed on a U.S. Census but who was not listed on the website. Which means no one had any record of her! Quickly I did some more
digging searching and was able to verify who she was via the sources (I LOVE the sources!) And this was all in a matter of less than 1 hour!
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and have been quite lucky to travel to several Temples over several states. The following is a list of the ones I have been to and I hope to add to this list soon!
(Click here to read about why Temples are built.)