I could write about the complications of my brain surgery, or hysterectomy. Or…any other thing in my life.
But I don’t want to focus on that this morning.
I just want peace.
I want my life to have meaning and I sure wish society didn’t place so much
pressure expectations value everything that matters on women being mothers. What about those of us who can’t or aren’t able to have a child?
Lately, all I am seeing lately are “Mama” things, or “Mamacita”, “Wifey” or “Boss Mom” blah blah blah. Do you know what I would give to be able to wear something like that?
Rather, my heart hurts today.
I just noticed a similarity between this (Single/Women who aren’t mothers) and the adult population of the Rare Disease Community. I see so much about children with Rare Diseases, I wish people would
realize know understand that there are adults who are diagnosed with them, too.
We are a forgotten bunch. 😦
First off: hahahaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I love this prompt!
Second: Happy Monday!
Third: I am reading this book and CANNOT put it down! I was up until 1 am this morning (gah!) convincing myself, “One more chapter. One more chapter!” Without giving away too much of a spoiler, I was going to be VERY BITTER if Orson got hurt!
So, onto the daily prompt: Let’s expound on this for a moment…
- I have 2 brain tumors
- I had to have a hysterectomy to manage my uterine cancer risk
- I live at home
- I am not able to work
- I am overweight
- I had thyroid cancer
- My esophagus is lined with an innumerable amount of polyps that (may) or may not turn malignant one day.
- I could find many more but let’s stop there.
I am not writing those things for pity. I am writing them out as they are my reality since July 18, 2011. Couldn’t I be bitter? Shouldn’t I be bitter? And to be honest, I think in the beginning of this new life of mine I was in fact very bitter. I had big dreams! I was going to have a career and a family and be a wife and a mother and and and and….but in fact, my life didn’t turn out that way.
Today I have my bitter days, but now they are more bitter hours. (Progress!)
Some days I wake up pretty bitter that I can’t go out with friends, I can’t work, I can’t be a mother, I am not an independent woman, blah blah blah. But, I can better name these moments now, and I while I may entertain the thoughts for a short while (because my feelings are my feelings and I want to honor them) then I move on and distract myself doing something else. Whether that’s exercising, walking, volunteering, cleaning around the house, helping my family, writing on my blog, taking photographs (which is my new LOVE!) etc.
I think it’s very natural and normal to be bitter about things in our life. What’s important is how we deal with that emotion. Please don’t let it eat you up inside. We are in this together. ❤
I will now never know the joys of motherhood; but I will also never know the pain of uterine cancer or passing Cowden’s Syndrome to my child.
I was sobbing in the shower this afternoon as this realization enveloped me. Both sides of this comes with such a heavy price to pay.
My job is to find the peace in this decision I have made.