When in boredom

I recently realized I like to shop/surf the web when I am bored.  Or hungry.  Or lonely.  Or tired.  I have found myself often looking at websites I have no business being on (Amazon, Target, QVC, etc.)

Now that I have had this lightbulb moment I want to do some behavior modifications (love how I know these big words yet have no idea how to start this into my life, HAHA)…

Seems like most everyone I know is a YouTuber, or has a “Channel”.  Of course, I know of You Tube and have gone down that black hole many a times.  But, my purpose now is to find Channels to watch that I have some sort of connection to:  Disney, Health, Rare Disease, brain tumor, etc.  I love to listen to podcasts (click here to see my absolute favorite EVER!) but this is a way I can branch out, with a purpose.

When I find some more I like I’ll let you guys know.  Are there any podcasts or YouTube Channels you like?

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Hey everyone!

Why does the word “everyone” look weird to me?  Like I spelled it wrong?

Anyway.  I just wanted to check in with you.  I know I’ve been a bit sporadic with posting.  Some days, my life is pretty basic and boring:  I go to the gym and read (true story).  Other days I am overwrought with medical appointments, scans, almost daily migraines, problems with my esophagus, etc. and I feel like a weirdo (also, true story).  I try to stay busy and distract myself with things that are beneficial for my mental health:  I love listening to podcasts (do you recommend any? I just finished this one and HOLY COW! I could write more on that soon); volunteering; reading (obvi); editing photos on Hipstamatic.

Of course, I didn’t ask for this life of brain tumors and hereditary cancer syndromes.  Nevertheless, it’s mine.  My point of writing is that this week I finally have my disability hearing before a judge.  To say I’m terrified would be an understatement, you know?  I have this weird feeling in my chest:  Anxiety, obvi.  But, I can still vividly see and feel and hear my diagnosis of July 18, 2011 as if it were yesterday.  Literally.  And, it’s like my entire life since that day is rolled up into a big ball and this week it’ll come to a head.  Like, what is the purpose of my life since then?  It’s been 6 1/2 years (just 3 1/2 years for the disability process alone) and have I been wrong all along?  What will this judge think?  Is there enough “medical evidence” to prove to the judge that I am different now and can no longer work?

I pray that there is.

I’ll be in touch soon.  If you have any extra prayers, please send them my way, and to the judge too.  ❤  Thank you.