What do I know today?

I will not write my feelings about the “news” and President Trump.  I will not write my feelings about what I fear of the future of our country.  But one thing I’ve learned lately is:  feelings aren’t facts.  I wish the fake news networks knew this!

That phrase helps me immensely, especially when it comes to my medical status.  I have a growth (tumor?)  on  my tongue and have a visit with the ENT this week.  These growths aren’t new; that’s the whole Cowden Syndrome thing in a nutshell.  Without going into too much gritty detail I have seen an ENT before about these things, and he told me I would have to go to the O.R. to have them removed.  I am scared.  I am terrified, to be very honest. I don’t want any more visits to the O.R.  I have to center my attention and energy on what I do know.  And in fact, I don’t know anything today.  Maybe he can snip it right off?

This new growth is large, again new, and here’s what I find most peculiar about this entire thing:  when I was 2 years old I had surgery to remove a “growth” on my gigantic tonsils.  My mom just told me the thing on my tongue now looks almost identical to what was on my tonsil over 40 years ago.


Of course not.


3 AM Flashlight

(Disclaimer: This post might not be for the weak stomached.)

You know how on some blogs you read, people write about their incredible trips to Downtown L.A. or share these incredible recipes of mouth-watering fudge?

Well, over here at hopeforheather we aim to have interesting posts like that, but today is not one of those days.  It’s my goal – and hopefully one day that goal will be reached.  But not today folks.

Today’s post is about flashlights and no sleep.  You see, the last 10 days or so I have been fighting a super evil virus.  This virus has had me by the….well.  (Think of any euphemism and it would pretty much fit), suffice to say it has suffocated me for the last while.  Literally.  I have felt like I am about to cough up my lungs and even though it has been 2 years since my surgery, any time I’m coughing so profusely it always makes me a little scared.  Any type of pressure in the base of my skull isn’t a good thing in my opinion!

The past few nights I’ve resorted to taking 2 Benadryl to attempt to get some sleep, which has worked for the most part and turned me into feeling like #DrunkHeather.  I guess actually I should say #SleepyHeather.  Those bad boys pack a PUNCH!  Within 15 minutes I could feel them working…

Then cut to this morning at 3 AM – when the Benadryl promptly wore off and I awoke to a coughing fit that probably awoke the dead.  (Well, it awoke Mom and she came in my room and made me get up to take something.)  The problem is nothing works on this evil b*tch!  Nothing!  Not the Tessalon pearls, not the Nyquil, not the cough syrup with coedine, NOTHING!

As I’m staggering around the kitchen this morning trying to wrap my brain around something to help me stop coughing, I notice my throat hurts.  Not a sore, scratchy pain but more of an achy pain.  On the left side of my throat.  I grab the flashlight and find the closest mirror and try to focus my eyes on what’s in the mirror….


Flashlights (Photo credit: Kim Scarborough)

But just let that sink in.  It’s 3 AM.  I am looking for a flashlight.  To shine in my mouth to look down my throat.  WHO DOES THAT?!


NOTE:  In 1991 I had surgery to remove my tonsils – they were so large they touched in the back of my throat and were the size of walnuts.  The ENT had told his office staff that they were the largest sized tonsils he had ever seen.  Um, what if someone then would have heard of Cowden’s Syndrome?  The PTEN mutation that basically means your body doesn’t know how to STOP GROWING THINGS?!  No wonder I had abnormally large tonsils!






My tonsil is growing back.  I may have written about this in the past here, but I should state – it’s growing back BIGGER.